Leon

And you are right. Enough is enough. I can't handle double standards like what I mentioned in my last post, nor being criticized for deception only to be betrayed in a similar manner by the same person AFTER being chastised. Fucking hypocrites.

Love it. He gets a pass on posting private messages, but when I say that poor leadership leads to poor results (something taught in management classes in college) I am committing a low blow. Just... wow.

You know what? If the admin of the site is willing to go as far as post private messages that are there to keep things between people, I can kinda see why this site died. I don't know if I've changed, you have, or both, but the Mark I remember would have handled it better than that.

Look, everyone is misunderstanding. I'm not mad that Marked is irritated at my deception, but the fact he posted what was supposed to be PRIVATE messages. That's a new low for him. Something I don't appreciate in the least. I don't expect to say all is kosher, but at least show some character and NOT pull a stunt as bothersome as that.

I hold no malice toward you, Salt. It was the negativity from Marked that set me off. The animosity he caused by simply drawing it out in a public forum is uncalled for, especially releasing private messages. How is it, he can sit there and get mad at me for betraying his trust, then retort by doing same? Private messages should remain just that: private. The hypocrisy of the situation infuriates me more than the negativity itself.

So he had the right to go about creating drama that I am attempting to end, which if I am not mistaken, not only against the rules to bring on such flaming, but shouldn't he also set a higher standard, being the administrator of the site itself, yet I place a conjecture based upon his individual feeling over it, and I am threatened with a possible banning? My question is if he had such an issue with me, why bring it up on the public forum rather than PM me so we could work it out?

First off, I'll speak how I please after the fact I'm trying to right a wrong I committed, but he wants to drag it out. Second, I did consider my words perfectly. I said IF that was his idea of pleasure THEN, well, what I said. I was trying to put this to bed and lay my cards on the table. Pol, the one person who I thought deserved the biggest apology for how I snapped at, yelled at, and treated him, has more of a right to be pissed off. And Pol, I am truly sorry for that.

Edit doesn't work with my phone, so: And Salt, thanks for the kind words. I appreciate it. I know I messed up. I was a stupid guy who thought he knew everything. A common occurrence among guys, as I'm sure everyone knows. As the Once-ler once said: If a guy does something stupid once, it's usually because he's a guy...

I came back to apologize, not seek redemption or mark's approval. Just to simply admit a mistake and try to correct it. Apparently, all it did was stir up drama. I thought mark was the friend I remembered. One full of forgiveness. Willing to put the past behind us, but dredged it back up instead. Maybe returning to fix a grave error was a mistake. Or maybe stopping him from killing the site 4 years ago was, or 6 years ago. I love this community, and even ran it at one time, because Mark needed a break. Now, why should I return when someone I consider a friend can't even see I am owning up, apologizing, and trying to put it behind me? Instead, wants to make a show of it, as if to try and further the public embarrassment I've dealt with surrounding it? It's almost like a perverse pleasure I see from my brother when he is finally beating me at a game, and has to just drag it out and rub it in. If that is your idea of pleasure, well then fuck you, mark. I don't need your forgiveness, approval, or the drama. I just wanted to return. Wanted my friends to see past the error of my ways, and contribute. Now, that is really Fucking hard to do when the admin, and my once dear friend, parades my stupidity around like a show pony.

Well, thanks for really dragging it into the negative. It took quite a bit of courage to try and come here, admit it, and face you all; and I didn't expect you, of all people, Marked, to be so blatantly cruel and rub my mistakes in my face. (Truth be told, I kinda expected it from Pol. If anyone, I owe him the biggest apology) You say I'll 'be on my way soon enough'. That is a pity. I had planned on learning Java after seeing MV (still loathe the mapping) but now I reconsidering that stance. Of all people to really rip into me, it had to be the only one I though MIGHT have my back in all of this messy affair. Yes, it started as a prank and it got out of hand. Doesn't mean you need to be so unforgiving about something that even you say doesn't really matter. I returned and admitting my mistakes cause I value and missed the friendships made on this site. Looks like I may have misjudged. Thanks, 'friend', for that marvelous airing out of what I will admittedly say is my most shameful move and worst thing I've done to other people. Really makes me have to rethink a few things.

Is there a demo to test this out? I mean, $80USD is rather steep just to test an engine out.

Dunno if I'd have the time to learn a new engine. From about 6:30 a.m. til 8:30 p.m. I'm working or taking care of my son. My wife be in school, studying for a new job so we can climb out of debt. My sanity wanes on some days, with how he is. Kid's too damn smart for his own good.

The question is, how much can I offer. I'm only adept in an outdated system and have a 2 year old that runs me ragged. I'll assist where I can, question, where is that?

I plan on releasing a few resources I made, but never shared. Sure, XP is outdated and I'm considered a dinosaur, but maybe you are right. I may not have anything to offer, so what is the point of a return? I suppose I got tired of the lie and felt you all deserves better. What else can I say?

Okay, so, this will lose trust with probably everyone here, or may even get me banned, but I gotta come clean, because it has been killing me not to share my life with everyone here the last two years. In fact, it has kept me from returning as a whole because I cannot share m fortunes and woes with many of my friends. Truth is, yes, I am a guy. I got married. I also have a 2-year old son; who I have been wanting to show off for, well, almost 3 years (ultrasounds included). My dog has a brain issue that is starting to kill her. Both sides of the coin, I wanted to share, but dared not. And, honestly, the only real thing I lied about was gender. (Let's face it, even being owned by my wife is true. Any guy in a serious relationship is.) Only reason I claimed to be of opposite gender is I noticed a trend (which has grown substantially in the U.S. especially) that people won't help men, anymore. More-so, white men. I was struggling to find anyone who would even make a title scene or a unique map tile, and it was killing my projects. When I claimed to actually be female, I no longer even had to ask, I had people lining up to assist, which isn't only sad, but proved my point. I don't ask for forgiveness, because I preach to the kids I watch that lying is bad. I just needed to come clean so I no longer feel like a hypocrite. If you guys will still have me around, I'll stay. I'll even keep the same user name as punishment, if Marked wishes not to go through the hassle of changing it, that's fine by me. Just hope you all know I have matured past lying, and hope you can understand.