To right a wrong

[Leon 55]

Okay, so, this will lose trust with probably everyone here, or may even get me banned, but I gotta come clean, because it has been killing me not to share my life with everyone here the last two years. In fact, it has kept me from returning as a whole because I cannot share m fortunes and woes with many of my friends.

 

Truth is, yes, I am a guy. I got married. I also have a 2-year old son; who I have been wanting to show off for, well, almost 3 years (ultrasounds included). My dog has a brain issue that is starting to kill her. Both sides of the coin, I wanted to share, but dared not.  And, honestly, the only real thing I lied about was gender. (Let's face it, even being owned by my wife is true. Any guy in a serious relationship is.)

 

Only reason I claimed to be of opposite gender is I noticed a trend (which has grown substantially in the U.S. especially) that people won't help men, anymore. More-so, white men. I was struggling to find anyone who would even make a title scene or a unique map tile, and it was killing my projects.  When I claimed to actually be female, I no longer even had to ask, I had people lining up to assist, which isn't only sad, but proved my point.

 

I don't ask for forgiveness, because I preach to the kids I watch that lying is bad. I just needed to come clean so I no longer feel like a hypocrite. If you guys will still have me around, I'll stay. I'll even keep the same user name as punishment, if Marked wishes not to go through the hassle of changing it, that's fine by me.

 

Just hope you all know I have matured past lying, and hope you can understand.

[Saltome 16]

Hmm... interesting...

There's certainly a couple of things I'd like to say in regard to this. But I'll spare us the drama.

But the bottom line is, what are you gonna do here, if you return?

We still lack active, selfless members. And if you aren't gonna be one, it won't make a difference if you come back or not.

[Leon 55]

I plan on releasing a few resources I made, but never shared. Sure, XP is outdated and I'm considered a dinosaur, but maybe you are right. I may not have anything to offer, so what is the point of a return?

 

I suppose I got tired of the lie and felt you all deserves better. What else can I say?

[Saltome 16]

You don't have to say anything, I hold no grudge against you.

 

I don't think you have nothing to offer, but I want to know if you are ready to put an effort, or if you are just here to make yourself feel better.

[Leon 55]

The question is, how much can I offer. I'm only adept in an outdated system and have a 2 year old that runs me ragged. I'll assist where I can, question, where is that?

[Polraudio 122]

I knew all along(you prob knew i knew). I just didn't want to say anything till you were ready.

 

It takes some serious balls to come out and say it. I hold nothing against you and im glad you finally said it.

 

It would be nice to have you back here. We had some good times back in the day.

 

If you want your username changed i can do it for you, just tell me what you want it to be.

 

EDIT: you could try to learn unity or rpg maker MV.

[Leon 55]

Dunno if I'd have the time to learn a new engine. From about 6:30 a.m. til 8:30 p.m. I'm working or taking care of my son. My wife be in school, studying for a new job so we can climb out of debt.

 

My sanity wanes on some days, with how he is. Kid's too damn smart for his own good.

[Saltome 16]

Well Leon, you said it yourself. RMXP is a dinosaur, and dinosaurs go extinct, but that doesn't mean you should too. I know you are a capable programmer, there's still plenty you can contribute to the world, you just have to catch up.

I personally moved on to Renpy, a Python based visual novel engine.

I'm working an a specific project, which might be of interest to you, a VN/RPG hybrid.

That said, it has been going under the radar, since it's still quite barebones, I haven't even implemented all essential features yet.

Nevertheless I'm serious about it, and i could always use a couple co-conspirators.

Here is the current public thread:

https://lemmasoft.renai.us/forums/viewtopic.php?f=45&t=36433

[Marked 197]

Only reason I claimed to be of opposite gender is I noticed a trend (which has grown substantially in the U.S. especially) that people won't help men, anymore. More-so, white men. I was struggling to find anyone who would even make a title scene or a unique map tile, and it was killing my projects.  When I claimed to actually be female, I no longer even had to ask, I had people lining up to assist, which isn't only sad, but proved my point.

 

Congratulations, you proved your point. I hope it was worth it. 

 

If anyone from those times say that they believed you, I'd be surprised. No one at the time did, so you got pissed off to try and make us believe you.  

 

It's been 5 years and this topic really is a bit late. We've all matured, and it probably doesn't matter now. 

 

I'll remind you of my PM to you at the time:

[DELETED]

 

And yeah, I had to search the database to find this conversation because I still remember it. It was obvious you were lying. Like I say, we've matured and it probably doesn't matter to us, but it's fair to say I've been disappointed since. There are so many negative consequences to what you did. We recently celebrated 10 years and you were without a shadow of a doubt a cornerstone of this community and it I'm reasonably certain it would have died a lot earlier if you weren't apart of it in the early days. So it is difficult to swallow given the reasons you've just posted. I had thought it was an experience that just snowballed and you had to roll with it to save face. In fact, it still sounds like that. But this whole thing is regrettable, especially for me since we always used to talk on IM and you destroyed that by continually pretending to be a girl when we both knew you weren't, and I obviously wasn't comfortable and so I stopped talking to you. 

 

Kinda wish none of this really happened tbh. 

 

EDIT: Ok that was too negative. It's good that you made this topic, it's a positive step. I'm sure you'll be on your way soon. Like I said at the start of this post, we've all matured including yourself and it's probably not relevant to us anymore. We've got real life problems to deal which make issues like these insignificant. I'm not happy about all the deceit but, that's probably finished and we can move on. Our early days in the RMXP world are memories I still value very much.  

Edited May 19, 2016 by Marked

[Leon 55]

Well, thanks for really dragging it into the negative. It took quite a bit of courage to try and come here, admit it, and face you all; and I didn't expect you, of all people, Marked, to be so blatantly cruel and rub my mistakes in my face. (Truth be told, I kinda expected it from Pol. If anyone, I owe him the biggest apology)

 

You say I'll 'be on my way soon enough'. That is a pity. I had planned on learning Java after seeing MV (still loathe the mapping) but now I reconsidering that stance.

 

Of all people to really rip into me, it had to be the only one I though MIGHT have my back in all of this messy affair. Yes, it started as a prank and it got out of hand. Doesn't mean you need to be so unforgiving about something that even you say doesn't really matter.

 

I returned and admitting my mistakes cause I value and missed the friendships made on this site. Looks like I may have misjudged. Thanks, 'friend', for that marvelous airing out of what I will admittedly say is my most shameful move and worst thing I've done to other people. Really makes me have to rethink a few things.

[Saltome 16]

*sigh*... Let me repeat:

There's certainly a couple of things I'd like to say in regard to this. But I'll spare us the drama.

 

Mark, Leon. The fact that you two feel the need to drag this discussion on, tells me that neither of you has matured past the incident. If you really feel the need to vent the past, at least don't do it in such a public manner.

 

What happened is already done, it can't be changed. And picking the argument up where it was left off, it is only going to expand the rift that was created.

 

Leon, do you know Mark at all? If I've learned anything about him, it's that he despises deception. Why do you expect such a person to welcome you back with open arms? If you want his approval you are going to have to redeem yourself, and that's not gonna happen if you run away again.

Nobody here denies your value, nobody wants you gone, but you need to face the consequences of your own actions. You wanted to come back and "fix the past", then dig in and face the music.

 

Mark, do YOU know Leon at all? If I've learned anything about him, it's that he is not malicious. I know how you feel, but he isn't the kind of man who deserves your wrath. And to be honest, as the owner of the site you have a responsibility to maintain your image and keep the community peaceful, not to perpetuate arguments like this. Also I don't really know what are these "many negative consequences" you are talking about, are you sure you aren't overexaggarating?

[Leon 55]

I came back to apologize, not seek redemption or mark's approval. Just to simply admit a mistake and try to correct it. Apparently, all it did was stir up drama. I thought mark was the friend I remembered. One full of forgiveness. Willing to put the past behind us, but dredged it back up instead.

 

Maybe returning to fix a grave error was a mistake. Or maybe stopping him from killing the site 4 years ago was, or 6 years ago. I love this community, and even ran it at one time, because Mark needed a break.

 

Now, why should I return when someone I consider a friend can't even see I am owning up, apologizing, and trying to put it behind me? Instead, wants to make a show of it, as if to try and further the public embarrassment I've dealt with surrounding it?

 

It's almost like a perverse pleasure I see from my brother when he is finally beating me at a game, and has to just drag it out and rub it in. If that is your idea of pleasure, well then fuck you, mark. I don't need your forgiveness, approval, or the drama. I just wanted to return. Wanted my friends to see past the error of my ways, and contribute. Now, that is really Fucking hard to do when the admin, and my once dear friend, parades my stupidity around like a show pony.

[Leon 55]

Edit doesn't work with my phone, so:

 

And Salt, thanks for the kind words. I appreciate it. I know I messed up. I was a stupid guy who thought he knew everything. A common occurrence among guys, as I'm sure everyone knows. As the Once-ler once said: If a guy does something stupid once, it's usually because he's a guy...

[Saltome 16]

=_=" You need to shut up and consider your words. I can tell you are being driven by your emotions, but that doesn't give you the right to speak to Mark like that. I'm pretty sure he isn't trying to rub anything in, just to lay things out in the open, in an attempt to cope with your betrayal.

Give it some time. And in the mean time focus on rejoining the community.

[Polraudio 122]

Yes its all in the past so lets just focus on the present and future(that never comes because its always the present :P).

 

 

So lets just welcome leon back with open arms :thumbsup:.

[Leon 55]

First off, I'll speak how I please after the fact I'm trying to right a wrong I committed, but he wants to drag it out. Second, I did consider my words perfectly. I said IF that was his idea of pleasure THEN, well, what I said.

 

I was trying to put this to bed and lay my cards on the table. Pol, the one person who I thought deserved the biggest apology for how I snapped at, yelled at, and treated him, has more of a right to be pissed off. And Pol, I am truly sorry for that.

[Saltome 16]

You know, even if your conjecture is true, that still doesn't give you the right to speak to people that way

This forum has rules, and throwing insults at anybody, is against them.

I've certainly gotten banned for less, so don't give me that tone.

[Leon 55]

So he had the right to go about creating drama that I am attempting to end, which if I am not mistaken, not only against the rules to bring on such flaming, but shouldn't he also set a higher standard, being the administrator of the site itself, yet I place a conjecture based upon his individual feeling over it, and I am threatened with a possible banning?

 

My question is if he had such an issue with me, why bring it up on the public forum rather than PM me so we could work it out?

[Saltome 16]

What you are doing is assuming that we are being hostile with you, and acting accordingly. But we are not, and it's awfuly annoying to be treated as an enemy when we are trying to defuse the situation.

[Leon 55]

I hold no malice toward you, Salt. It was the negativity from Marked that set me off. The animosity he caused by simply drawing it out in a public forum is uncalled for, especially releasing private messages. How is it, he can sit there and get mad at me for betraying his trust, then retort by doing same? Private messages should remain just that: private. The hypocrisy of the situation infuriates me more than the negativity itself.

[dolarmak 23]

Wow, this is a bit of drama I never expected from GDU. 

 

I agree with Saltome, it's good you came out and told the truth, but not every one will be ecstatic about your lying to them.

 

Personally I don't hold any grudges, mind you I wasn't very close to you or anything.

 

I do believe you'd be a great scripter for MV if you decide to learn it. To be honest, you probably already know 90% and just need to get used to a few syntax differences and call differences. 

 

Good luck with what ever you do. I know how life with kids is so try not to exhaust yourself.

[Leon 55]

Look, everyone is misunderstanding. I'm not mad that Marked is irritated at my deception, but the fact he posted what was supposed to be PRIVATE messages. That's a new low for him. Something I don't appreciate in the least. I don't expect to say all is kosher, but at least show some character and NOT pull a stunt as bothersome as that.

[dolarmak 23]

Look, everyone is misunderstanding. I'm not mad that Marked is irritated at my deception, but the fact he posted what was supposed to be PRIVATE messages. That's a new low for him. Something I don't appreciate in the least. I don't expect to say all is kosher, but at least show some character and NOT pull a stunt as bothersome as that.

I wasn't singling out your conversation with mark, it was meant as a broad everyone. To be honest I only skimmed it. It's hard to convey meaning through text some times, I apologize. 

[Marked 197]

Firstly, I do deny every said me: that I'm parading, starting drama, rubbing it in, that I've somehow got pleasure out of it, etc. etc. That's all wrong. Everything in my post, which is still there for you to read, is just the story from my point of view. That's all it is. An objective story that came from my head. I probably shouldn't have posted those private messages. I was trying to highlight how far you went to deceive me personally, which, of course, is part of the story and exactly how it happened. 

 

You should know that I don't have any bad intentions, and if you say I should hold higher standards and protect my reputation as admin well... I'd make the same post again because that's what happened and that's what I had to say. Maybe it should have been said in private. I didn't really consider this from a public perspective, because there's not as many people around. In retrospect, I do know that you are demanding presence on the site and value your reputation, and I can see why you're upset. From my perspective, I feel like no one's watching. 

 

The reason why I said you'd be on your way soon is for a number of reasons. Firstly there's not many people on the site, and you'd only be active if there are people to talk to. You've left and made a come back more than a dozen times already. And... you have a life, like me, who also has no time for this place anymore. When I said that it sounded negative when actually it was very innocent... I meant it as a matter of fact. 

 

Anyways, you're more than welcome here. I will try to change your username. I got errors in the DB when I tried to change it last night. I'll to fix them. 

[Leon 55]

You know what? If the admin of the site is willing to go as far as post private messages that are there to keep things between people, I can kinda see why this site died.

 

I don't know if I've changed, you have, or both, but the Mark I remember would have handled it better than that.

[Saltome 16]

Enough is enough. I too am of the opinion that private conversations should remain private. However, the fact is, that those posts do not contain any information beyond a confirmation of the things you chose to make public by creating this topic.

 

The death of the forum has nothing to do with Mark's leadership. Throwing the blame on him is a low jab, considering he put more effort into it than any of us. The fact is, we are all equally responsible for the outcome. 

[Leon 55]

Love it. He gets a pass on posting private messages, but when I say that poor leadership leads to poor results (something taught in management classes in college) I am committing a low blow. Just... wow.

[Leon 55]

And you are right. Enough is enough. I can't handle double standards like what I mentioned in my last post, nor being criticized for deception only to be betrayed in a similar manner by the same person AFTER being chastised.

 

Fucking hypocrites.

[Marked 197]

You are kind of being inconsistent in what you're saying but I don't have the time or desire to argue with you. I did just admit that posting those private messages, in retrospect, was a mistake. I really don't know what else I can say. You're obviously quite upset and it's quite clearly affecting your judgement.

 

I don't really want to say anything further because you're probably going to get angrier. Maybe you think my post (excluding the PMs) wasn't justified. I think it was and that won't change. You're the type of person to not get over something like this for a long time, but I recommend you do. It's just making things worse. 

 

Thread closed. Cool off.