[ACE] Heroes of Shaola (English)

[eric_sd-rpgstudios 0]

Greeting fellow adventurers,

 

We have been working on Heroes of Shaola, a game in a planned Shaola series. It's a medieval fantasy, story-driven RPG that focus on storyline, plot twists and characters. Even though this game is a part of a planned series, it's not an episodic game. No prior experience with other games is necessary to play this game. Each game in the series will have different plots and stories. Same world, different stories.

 

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Zenman Empire is the largest nation in the world. It is located in the central region and surrounded by the bloodthirsty Martia Kingdom (formerly the Martia Tribes) in the north, the deceptively powerful Amazail Kingdom in the south, and the unpredictable House Lagidis in the west.

Each year, the vassal factions must pay a tribute with gifts, weapons, women, and gold to the Zenman.

Its capital city, Zalumi, has been protected by the four most powerful noble families. Those four families are the Sutherlands, the Pantelakos, the Totens, and the Rileys.

One morning, Leonardo, the only child of the Sutherlands, was nowhere to be found. His mysterious disappearance shocked the nation.

Meanwhile, in the north, Martia Kingdom has been staring at Zalumi for years. The Amazailian are also lurking around from the south.

Both are growing tired of being a vassal nation. They are tiring of paying tributes to the Zenman Empire.

They have been watching Zalumi like a hawk, waiting for a chance to take action.

Sources from the Iron Eagle, the mysterious organization from Zuda Kingdom, revealed that Martia and Amazail have been trying to form an alliance.

The once great Zenman Empire is suddenly facing two big threats from the north and south.

 

 

 

• Jump, slash the bushes, explore hidden areas, secret paths and find extra loot.

• Final Fantasy-like battle system, but with visible enemies. No random encounters or invisible monsters. Bandits and aggressive beasts will approach you. Less aggressive opponents will leave you alone, unless you initiate the attack.

• Beasts and some monsters don't drop gold. Why would a wolf carry around gold? Instead, they drop body parts. You can sell them for some quick cash, save it to build weapons/armors in the shops, or to overcome side quests.

• Grinding is unnecessary. All you need to do to win is be careful with each decision, look out for quests and hidden secrets, manage your money (buy/sell) wisely, and use your skills, items, and potions carefully.

• The plots and dialogues are managed carefully in order to bring each character to life.

• No Game Over. We all know how much time we spent dying on games and it's the most frustrating thing in the world.

• There is replay value. Multiple endings depend on many variables, including multiple choices and subtle triggers.
 

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Basic information and Minimum System Requirements: (subject to change)

Rating: Family Friendly
Platform: PC
Operating systems: Windows XP to Windows 10 (32-bit/64-bit) (so far it can run on Windows 98 and even Windows 95, but will lag)
Processor: 1 GHz or faster
RAM: 128 MB or more
Free space: Approximately 200 MB

 

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Video (Greenlight Trailer):

 

Game page, including the newest Demo: http://www.gdunlimited.net/games/heroes-of-shaola

 

Official game blog: RPGFaction.com

 

Steam Greenlight: http://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=768541821

 

Direct download: https://www.indiexpo.net/en/download/2809
 

Edited March 19, 2017 by eric_sd-rpgstudios

[Noob Saibot 38]

Overall sounds interesting, but it does contain errors related to story and grammar.
 

When I told my family what happened, they looked at me as if I were on drugs or something.

 
Given the "time" period this game would take place in it is highly unlikely his parents would look at him "as if he was on drugs." Any "drugs" that would exists in such a time period would most likely be seen as "normal", "natural", or not even "harmful". Different period in time; religion ruled over any science and most science was seen as "magic".
 
Now even a game like Final Fantasy would have issues with the above statement as earlier Final Fantasy games were more on the "fantasy" side than "Fantasy Science Fiction" (as their later games in the franchise would). Drugs being looked upon as being "bad" is a more "modern" view rather than a medieval view. In fact, most modern drugs hadn't even been "invented" and/or created yet.
 
Plus, ending it with "or something" is rather trivial. It felt like you didn't put in the "effort" to write or come up with something more cohesive or convincing.
 
Next up is "...something".
 
"When I told my family what happened, they looked at me as if I were on drugs or something."
 
"Something" takes away from the sentence and any meaning or emotion you would have wanted to convey to the player. In essence it looks and feels like an "empty" thought from the writer (not the character).
 

'When I told my family what had happened, they gazed at me as if I weren't even their own flesh and blood.'

 
The above example removes the word "drugs" because besides being out of place for the time period of the game it is also quite cliche. It also catches emotion from the character and conveys that emotion to the player. After all, most people have disappointed their parents at one time or another. So it's possible some players could now resonant with the character on this aspect/emotional feeling.
 

My mother freaked out...

You follow this up right after, "When I told my family what happened, they looked at me as if I were on drugs or something." However, you are now telling the player the obvious conclusion they would have came about from: When I told my family what happened, they looked at me as if I were on drugs or something.
 
The 'bolded' text above already would convey that not only did the mother freak out, but the father as well. Telling the player what they would already know is bad writing. Even in a video game; just as it would be in a novel or film.
 

No one found anything wrong with my mental state.

And why would they? Again based on the time period of the game people could be considered "crazy" for any reason. And back then most "crazy" wasn't really actually crazy. Just some unknown/undiscovered disease or medical issue.
 
You can read more on this: Psychology in the Middle Ages (Part I)
 
Remember just as with a novel if a the reader knows something and the writer tries to play it as fact it can destroy the story and joy the reader would have had from seeing the mistake you made. This is also true in video games.
 

...go away when I grow up...

 
"...grew up...
 
You are describing what someone said to the characters parents. Which means it would be spoken in "past tense" terms from the perspective of the character:

...go away when I grew up...

I tried everything to throw it away.

 
Actually it doesn't make sense for the character to say this. Even if he does literally try and throw it away.
 

I tried everything to get rid of it.

His goal is to "get rid" of it. Not throw it away like a piece of trash.
 

I threw it into a fire, the woods, the lake, and the sea.

 
Telling the player in the beginning what he did: 'I tried to throw it away' and than list ways how he tried it, is unorthodox for a video game. This isn't a novel (though it would still be wrong even in a book; after all show don't tell). This also applies to video games. Don't repeat what you already told the player and than make a list describing this. It's wrong in a novel and in any form of entertainment. Especially, a video game where you can SHOW the player the character doing this:
 

"I tried everything I know to get rid of the crystal..."

Scene 1 - leaves it in the woods.
Scene 2 - drops it in the lake.
Scene 3 - drops it in the sea.
Scene 4 - he tries to burn it.
Scene 5 - he drops it in a volcano.

 Remember this is a game and players don't want to spend a lot of time reading a bunch of text. especially, if that text can be conveyed in a visual sense.
 

Yet somehow, it kept crawling back into my pocket.

 
So has the character actually seen the crystal crawl; or for that matter the player? Because you suggest the character has SEEN the crystal crawl back to his pocket. Which could make for a nice tense cut-scene (e.g. when he's trying to get ride of it. However, this would require you not saying "it just kept coming back" as you would have already showed the player/character this).

 

Every time I threw it away, I always found it in my pocket after a nights sleep.

 

Again you are "repeating" what you already told the player. Remember this is a video game, SHOW don't tell. Also, this sentence: "it kept crawling back..." has now been confirmed to the player that the character as never seen HOW the crystal ends up in his pocket.

 

Six years ago, in a dream, I found my way into the crystal...

 

 

Alright, now your story just made a "left-turn". You have this "build up" that you just deflated with this out of place paragraph. Hence why SHOW is so important; especially in a video game and even more so in one that is trying to be "story" driven.

 

OVERALL

 

Get ready for one of the best story driven RPGs!

 

 

You claim this in your trailer, but it is hard to believe when the "intro" of your game is littered with so many issues. A RPG isn't story driven when you spend more time TELLING instead of SHOWING. The story needs a lot of work.