My game's story

[zether 0]

Hey guys, i'm new to this whole RPG Maker thing. From what i've done so far I have been mapping out a story for my game and i'm pretty satisfied with where its going. I am a noob at this though, and im sure there are people here who are FAR more experienced then me, so I would like some feedback/reviews/suggestions on it. Thanks!

 

Alright here we go:

 

Title:Dont have one yet(awsome I know)

 

Main Characters:

Zether Balentine-

Age:17

Bio: A simple kid from Kokiria Village, always calm and collected, Zether is never one to rush into a situation. He is very wise and mature for his age

and always thinks his problems out. He is always very caring, he isn't very charismatic and basicly anti-social. He doesn't like meeting new people, but once he warms up to new friends, he considers them a part of him. A friend to him is very serious and he would put his life infront of theirs without a second thought. Always responsible, he acts like the "mother" of a group.

 

Tivini Mire-

Age:16

Bio: A hardy and overly-confident youth. Best friends with Zether, they grew up in the same town. He never thinks about his problems and as far as he's concerned: if it doesn't affect him-he doesn't care. He is social to the point of talking to people only to brag about himself and befriend them for social status. He considers having more friends than anyone else is an achievement, and the actual treasure of friendship is moot to him. He does respect the people he's known for a long time and he always taunts and pokes fun at anyone he considers "lesser".

 

Calamasy Tsurugin-(sue-ru-gin)

Age:19

Bio: To come later.

 

 

Story:

Zether has a dream where Lushia of the Lancet Offensive is trying to find him. We are unclear

who she is looking for or why at this point. Zether awakes and meets with Tivini, the two

head to a local cave in search of treasure or weaponry to sell. They are doing this because

the Lancet Offensive is heading towards their town and they need a bribe to convince the

gang to leave the town alone. They find a "Mysterious Sword" and decide to head to the town

Faubriel to get it appraised/sell it. Once there,they find that the Lancet Offensive has

already passed through this town and has set it on fire. In a state of panic they decide

this problem is out of their hands and head to see Lestat the King in the Mecha Capital:Babylon

Before they leave they find a survivor. Her name is Corcea, she accompany's them. On the

way to the Mecha Capital they learn a little about the Lancet Offensive. Before

getting to the Mecha Capital they learn they need a light to navigate through a tunnel.

They find a boat and set off for Crescent Island. Once there they have a quick run in with

the Lancet Offensive, a fight ensues and Zether's crew wins. They make it to the town of

Crescentville and buy a lantern. They head back to the Western Penninsula and get through

the cave. They eventually reach the Mecha Capital(Babylon).

They ask the king what he plans on doing about this and they quickly learn

there's nothing the King can do. The king does tell them that the sword they have is in-fact

a Lancet Offensive blade. Now wondering what a Lancet Grunt was doing in Kokiria cave,

their town Kokiria Becomes enthralled with flames. The grunt was setting up a bomb, but

failed and it had remained de-activated, until something/someone set it off. Zether is

completely unaware of this still in the Mecha Capital. They decide to head back into Kokiria

and search the tunnel one last time-just incase. Once arriving there they find the town in

ashes. Broken, Zether and Tivini are lost. They remember the king telling them about the

medallions, although not *quite* sure what theyre for, they decide to try and beat "TLO"

to the Earth Temple. They go through the temple and finally reach the medallion. They

decide they should head back to the Mecha Capital, unfortunately they got ambushed shortly

after leaving the temple. Lushia, the leader of TLO see's potential in Zether and kidnaps

him. Zether meets Calamasy while in TLO. They become best friends and Zether's old life

is effectively completely replaced. He doesn't even see Tivini or Corcea for a very long

time.

 

 

Now I know its pretty scetchy and the whole Medallions thing is generic. What I DO plan on happening is Calamasy eventually becoming the main

antagonist. I havn't figured out how yet. I want the beginning basic like this for now,mainly because I want the player to really get immeresed in a simple story like this. I plan on having some radical plot turns later.

 

 

TLO=The Lancet Offensive.

TLO Story:

TLO is a rebellion against order and the current state of things. They believe that the world

is imperfect and needs to be rebuilt. The gang/cult was formed when their founder "Lushia"

uncovered the book: "The Great Pantheon". The Lancet Offensive wishes to open the Gate of

the God's and re-activate the portal to"Ruga'Tiu" or The Sky. TLO requires the 7 medallions.

They destory and wreck everything they come across because they are looking for the

7 Medallions. They have no leeds or any

advice as to where these medallions are, so they just storm through La'Ruga like a locust

swarm looking for them.

 

Lucia: Leader of The Lancet Offensive(I havn't come up with a backround for her yet.)

 

 

So that's basicly it for now-I have the rest of the story written down but its too much for now,I just want some feedback on the little bit I have for sure set in stone.

 

 

Thanks again!

 

P.S. Please don't steal my game idea's if you like them! I've put alot of work into this and I don't need somebody who can't do it for himself jacking my idea.

[Kiriashi 117]

P.S. Please don't steal my game idea's if you like them! I've put alot of work into this and I don't need somebody who can't do it for himself jacking my idea.

lol, what about kokiri? We all know what zelda is :P.

 

 

Anyways it's a good story, medallions thing is kinda old, but it just works sometimes. It seems like it would be a good game if you pulled off all the mapping/eventing/spriting/(scripting?]/writing. Its hard work, for most people, writing a story-line. I can't do it at all, so I just join teams to map.

 

I can't wait to hear MOAR.

[zether 0]

lol, what about kokiri? We all know what zelda is :P.

 

 

Anyways it's a good story, medallions thing is kinda old, but it just works sometimes. It seems like it would be a good game if you pulled off all the mapping/eventing/spriting/(scripting?]/writing. Its hard work, for most people, writing a story-line. I can't do it at all, so I just join teams to map.

 

I can't wait to hear MOAR.

 

Heh ya caught me red handed. I agree the Medallion thing is kinda old,but for the game style im going for I think its going to be pretty refreshing.

(I spelled my town KokiriA with an A...just for that reason lol)