Deus e Lapide

[Jambo6c 0]

[[This is basically the original story behind the game which I've been on/off making - my mate and I were working on the two simultaneously, writing the story and planning the game. Therefore some of the writing maybe a little juvenile because it's from like year 9 ... 4 years ago! Also for anyone who did actually download the demo there may be some continuity errors!]]

[[This will be posted in parts]]

 

-Chapter 1: The First Meeting-

Seth awoke. He got up slowly, silently moving his six-foot frame to the window. He was reaching to shut the window when he hesitated. He'd seen an orb in the sky - a red orb. He smiled to himself, realising he'd never seen one of these before. Seth blinked, and once he had done so the orb was merely an inch from his body. It hit him, hard. His ribs felt like they had shattered and his left lung almost exploded with the pain. The force of the collision sent him hurtling into the opposite wall, which crumbled as he fell. As Seth continued through it, a piece of stone penetrated his skin. He fell to the ground outside writhing in pain, and sat up before coughing up a large portion of his crimson blood. He collapsed back down, his heart fighting a difficult battle to keep him alive. How could he die now, when he was so close to finding them? He had struggled for 16 long years, and he was so close now! His heart slowed down and he took in a deep breath. The air simply kept him conscious for a few more seconds. He closed his eyes and his heart pumped one last effort to win its fight. He rolled onto his back and lay there.

 

-Chapter 2: In the Heart of Darkness-

"Finally after all the years of trying, I've done it! After sixteen long years of trying I have finally rid myself of my foe," he thought to himself. "The ironic thing is, it wasn't me who killed him, it was my second in command." He smiled an evil smile as he awaited the call. His mind scanned for signals but none came. Maybe she had perished too? Then where would he be, without Aries? That would present no problem, however, as Rasken had been just waiting for a chance to worm his way into second in command. He was physically strong, but his will easily bent, unlike Aires. Many times he had tried, but always failed - she always prevailed. He would have killed her a long time ago had she not grown on him. It pleased him to have someone around to second-guess his judgements. She forced him to make sure he was always on his toes.

At last he got a signal - it was her! She was alive ... but had been disturbed by the punishing of such an innocent young boy. The boy though he was ordinary. Kinar didn't care though, as long as Seth was dead. Just as he had suspected she would feel sorry for the boy, but at least she had succeeded....hadn't he?

[pidey 0]

Your story is quite interesting, although short. Having such an important character die right off the bat is pretty extreme, and I think you can pull it off if you try.