[XP] Crystals of Chaos

[EmilyAnnCoons 7]

 

Storyline

 

In the world of Versumi, a dark shadow has begun to pass over Jinosa. However, it has so far gone unnoticed. Emily Ann Jansson, a young girl of about 19, is called to Shilan by the Supreme Thief. When she arrives, she is given a mission. She must choose to take the mission, or be sentenced to "Death by Blood", a horrid death sentence that uses the forbidden art of Blood Magic to put the one sentenced into agonizing pain for three years that renders the body unable to die, but unable to move, until finally the sentence is finished, leaving one near death, in which hunger and thirst catch up with the person and finally kills them.

 

Emily leaves on the mission, which is to make his way to Darminia, Home of the Neko, and there she must find and kill the Princess, Valerie Olivia Seaborn. Upon arriving, she finds Valerie is not a bad person at all, even though she is a demon, and she finds herself falling in love with her, but Valerie will have nothing to do with her. She must then decide whether she will fulfill his mission, or if she will die for her sake. However, little do either know that soon, something would happen to shatter the foundations of the world, and the two of them, along with a Paladin named Zachary Joseph Ballmonte, and a cleric named Jessica Amelia Durand, would find themselves thrust into a quest, first for the Fruit of Ganji, a supposed cure-all, but then into a terrible journey to find and claim the ten Crystals of Chaos before an unknown evil can claim them for himself and free the God of Destruction from his prison.

 

Characters

 

Name: Zachary Joseph Ballmonte

Age: 22

Race: Human

Class: Paladin

Bio: Zachary was raised in the Black Knight city of Eldon. There he was brought up in the service of the Black Knights, but when he came of age, he attempted to forsake the path of the Black Knight. However, the Black Knights would not have it, and they chased him down into the Caverns of Baradol, where they met with a terrible fate at the hands of Agonis, the Seer of Ages. He was then brought into the Silver Tower, where Agonis taught him the Way of the Paladin.

 

Name: Jessica Amelia Durand

Age: 18

Race: Human

Class: Cleric

Bio: Jessica was brought up in the Desert City of Karagum until the age of 8, when a man by the name of Sidnos Drow managed to usurp the throne, and cast Jessica and her father into exile. However, Jessica had a strange disease that continued to slowly grip her, and day-by-day her breathing seemed to grow worse. Without the money they had as royalty, they could no longer afford the medicine that had seemed to slow the disease's progress, and she grew worse, quicker each day. In a hope to cure herself, she took the path of the Cleric, but not even their magic could cure her. It was then, at 15, that she met Zachary, who had begun his Paladin training. Together, they fell in love, and began to search for a way to cure her before it was too late.

 

Name: Emily Ann Jansson

Age: 19

Race: Human

Class: Thief

Bio: Emily began her "career" as a thief when her parents sold her to a slave trader when she was 4. The slave trader then seemed unable to sell Emily off, and she began to grow frustrated with the man. Day-by-day, Emily stole things from the trader, starting at food, but slowly working her way up. Soon, at the age of 12, she had had enough and she slayed the trader and freed the slaves. It was then that she was found by one of the Thieves Guilds around Versumi, which took her in and trained her up more. Soon, she had become a personal guard of the Supreme Thief of Shilan.

 

Name: Valerie Olivia Seaborn

Age: 20

Race: Neko

Class: Summoner

Bio: Born to the Neko of Darminia, the dark archmage, Dragona Dragmus, cursed her at birth. As she aged, her demon side began to fight against her human side, and soon, at the age of 10, the two sides had begun an all-out war in her body. Unable to control her demon side, she was thrust into fits of rage that caused her to unleash her powers upon the city around her. It was then that a special necklace was enchanted and placed around her neck. As long as she wore it, her demon side could be quelled. However, if she found herself enraged, the necklace's enchant would be unable to quell the demon side and she would unleash her power and rage. Once calmed, though, the necklace would once again quell the demon side within her.

 

Features

 

Real-Time Action Battle System (like Final Fantasy)

Honor System (for earning honor as a Paladin and obtaining new skills)

Skill Shops (for buying new skills at certain levels)

Puzzle-Solving Lock-Picking System

Different Shop System

Chrono Trigger Style Menu

Item Synthesis

Anime/Video Game NPCs that give extra help otherwise unavailable

Mini-games

Side Quests

Cheat Codes (if earned)

Sound Test Ocarina (for playing music you find along the game)

Monster Book

Side Quest Journal

4 Cup Arena

 

Screenshots

 

http://emilyanncoons.deviantart.com/galler...haos-Video-Game

 

Demo

 

Rapidshare: http://rapidshare.com/files/265085096/Crys...f_Chaos_New.zip

Demo 1.2, includes the entire intro to the game. (Demo 1.1 saves are not compatible with 1.2)

Known "oddities/glitches": Jessica has 5 spoken lines (I was testing the voice acting and forgot to remove them), You can't get into one of the cities, You can't get into the Black Knight's Fortress, Some NPCs have name boxes while others don't.

 

FAQ

 

When will you release a demo? I wanna see this game!

I will release a demo when I feel I have enough of the game done to warrant a demo. At this time, I only have a few maps, and I'm not even sure if I will be using those ones or not.

 

When will this game be done? I wanna play it!

Ugh...I HATE this question with a passion. Too many times I see this question on other projects, including my own. Here's my answer I always use.

It will be released when it is done. I'm working on releasing demos, but if that isn't enough for you...then...you'll just have to be patient, Mr. Impatient.

Yes, I can be rude if someone pisses me off.

 

This sounds like fun...are you recruiting for this? I'd like to help!

Yes, I am. I need some battlers and character sets to be made up for the game. I'm also looking into the thought of adding voice acting, but I'm not positive yet. My recruitment topic can be found here: http://www.rmxpunlimited.net/forums/index.php?showtopic=3155

[EmilyAnnCoons 7]

Demo 1.0 is up (it has glitches, but the ones I've found were found after uploading, so I'll upload a new demo when I get more done, or someone encounters a glitch that kills the game). Have fun with it, and let me know of any bugs you find. Also, screenshots were added =D

[LovePhoenix 3]

I just played through your demo. I haven't actually finished it, but I played enough to comment.

 

Overall, I like your story and how original it is. Not sure about the Michelle "falling in love" with the princess, but it actually adds an interesting twist. There are some cliches, of course, but since they are minors, it doesn't much matter.

 

Now to comment on the demo. The mapping was very poor in details, especially in towns and caves. Remember that there are always stuff to add in the tilesets so don't let it be limited to just the walls and grounds. The interiors were not so bad (although they lacked detail as well) and could be improved, but that castle interior was really poorly made. It lacks lots of details and is very tight and not allowing much view or space. And also that ruins map wasn't detailed at all and was very symmetrical. (Remember that symmetries are really bad in maps.)

 

I recommend that you read some mapping tutorials just to spice up your mapping. Overall, it isn't so bad and you already have a good idea of it, but you should improve your detailing.

 

Now on the gameplay. Just to be honest, I think everything was really rushed. I suddenly found myself playing up with nothing in mind but to find the princess. Also, I wasn't sure whether to tell the Supreme thief was a guy or a girl, since the sprite is female while the others addressed him/her with "him". Also, I think I found that princess way too soon. Perhaps adding some events to happen before I find her, or just add a little more gameplay.

 

Same for the dialogues. I felt that they sounded a little awkward at some parts, like the part where Mike says "And so he can't kill me...sounds good to me." It felt a little awkward how a little thief, who was just really scared by that supreme thief would betray him/her in a second. Also, I don't see a reason why would the thief go to the princess and simply tell her "I am one of the thieves." Isn't she afraid of her, knowing that she killed many before her? I honestly expected something like killing her in her sleep or trying to assassinate her or something. Just try to add up more to heat it up and make it more exciting.

 

Overall, the game has potential, and if you improve those points I mentioned, I have a feeling it may turn out to be a great game. ^^

[EmilyAnnCoons 7]

actually, those are some good points -nods- and some of them actually have been fixed. To be honest, I noticed some of the problems you spoke of. As for the Supreme Thief...I thought I was using a male sprite, but after checking it again, I just realized it's not male after all ^^" I'll fix that one up. As for why Mike revealed herself right away...I was kind of trying to show that Mike was confident in her abilities as a Blood Mage. I'll look into changing that, though, to make it more obvious. I've also already modified it so that you don't know you are looking for the Princess until you find her (I'm actually re-doing the intro). As for the mapping...yeah, I suck at mapping...I've tried my hardest to follow all the tutorials I've found...but that's the best I've managed so far.

 

As for basically more-or-less throwing you into the middle of the action...I wasn't sure what else to do...Mike (now Emily) is the character that starts the whole thing...and I'm not sure what to put in before her...I had tried making one of the others the first to start the game, but I just don't know what to do with any of them...their stories all more-or-less start way before that...and I don't want to throw the player through 5 years of history just to get them into the game. I figured I'd reveal all of that later, as the majority of it isn't too important (not to mention it would require sprites I don't have, and have no way of obtaining).

 

Thanks for the comments, though, and I look forward to your response to help me out a bit =D Also...I'm hoping others respond to this as well, so that I may receive their insight as well.

[LovePhoenix 3]

No problem. I actually liked the game, despite those little things I mentioned. Don't worry about the mapping, just read more tutorials, and look at some of those good maps out there and get the ideas. Soon, you will notice what are your mistakes and will fix them. ;)

 

As for the gameplay, I am glad you are going to improve it and I am looking forward to it. I have nothing more to comment on for the moment, but if you need any help, I'll gladly help. I can do some mapping and spriting if you want. ^^

[EmilyAnnCoons 7]

Thanks, I actually do need a few sprites made...I think I have request topics for them somewhere, though. You'll have to look around a bit ^^"

[EmilyAnnCoons 7]

Sorry for the bump, but I have updated with Demo v1.1 This includes extra scenes not originally in v1.0, and is the entire intro. Also, your previous save game is NOT compatible with 1.1 due to the change in the battle system, characters, and...basically the whole intro lol So, please download v1.1 and give me your thoughts on it =D

[LovePhoenix 3]

I played your new demo and while it is an improvement in some points, it still actually lacks lots of things. Mainly: The mapping.

 

Honestly, the game has good directions but what spoils it is the mapping. One map that really bugged me was that Light End forest map. The path looked really awkward and random and there was nothing but grass and trees. Where are the weeds, flowers, plants? Where, where, where? Nothing but trees. T.T And why are there so many goblins? Honestly, the goblins were too much.

 

Also, the towns. Why aren't there people around? And why aren't there houses? Every building in the towns are either, a magic shop, an armory, an inn or something that isn't a house. Where do people live? WHERE are the people? And there are no details at all. Just buildings, no trees, no weeds, no flowers.

 

Try to add more things to your map. Don't limit it to a few items. Use your imagination. ;)

[EmilyAnnCoons 7]

Yeah...I'm not that good at mapping ^^" If you can show me how to map, I'd be able to make better maps, but I'm just going with what I've seen in tutorials for making maps. As for why there are no people...I'm no good at making NPCs...I figured I'd add those later on at some point...

[LovePhoenix 3]

Hmm sure, I can help you if you want. It seems you are not good with exteriors. Your interior mapping is not bad, although it could be improved.

[EmilyAnnCoons 7]

Yeah, my exterior mapping sucks lol I'm good at some interiors, but not others.

[LovePhoenix 3]

Ahh I'll see how can I help then. ^^ If I make some tutorials for you, where would you like them to be posted? Or you would like them to be PMed?

[EmilyAnnCoons 7]

umm...I'd so put them up in the tutorials section, so everyone can see them -nods-

[Enigma 10]

:huh:

Errr.Whats up with that site you used to upload the file.

It fails the opera browser making it save it as htm idk y

It might be good for uploading by, It limits te download speed to 50 kb? unless you pay

I d think so

:o

These are free alternatives which are as good and most lkely better please consider them for upload as a mirror site as well

Mediafire Free File Up load and hosting

File Dropper, just as good but u have to pay to make an account, an account isnt neccessary though

[EmilyAnnCoons 7]

Well, it was really the only one I know that everyone can access. I used to use rapidshare and megaupload, but almost no one could access it...dunno why...

[Enigma 10]

Well, it was really the only one I know that everyone can access. I used to use rapidshare and megaupload, but almost no one could access it...dunno why...

You can use it as a mirror site, its best to be able to have a link just in case the first 1 messes up yah know

[EmilyAnnCoons 7]

Well, I put it up on Rapidshare now, hopefully that will help. Also, if someone can get the RMXP Unlimited download database to upload it (it crashes on my comp) you can upload it there for me =D

[Enigma 10]

after playing for a while I havea few suggestions,

1st it seems like you have a CMS, which is nice, but its kind of clutter, I don't know how it works but in my opinion, where you have the option of viewing amount of currenccy(lirith i think) and play time put the actual play time and amount of currency, that way its faster, also you should add an objective option which shows your players objective. I literally had to wonder back to that fayora place like 3 times just to be told where i shouldn't be and who i should be looking for.

2nd. THe towns seem pretty empty, the mine had the greatest npc population density

3rd. most of the towns maps are pretty strange, as in you hit a boundary or something, what you should do is make the entrances and exits more obvious. If the city is walled in, on the overworld, then put walls at the edge of the map, if its a bunch of buildings with no walls put buildings, if there is more than one opening on the overworld then it would be wise to have it so you can actually enter and exit through those, example town of four cornered building which leads to number 4

4th try and make the town maps resemble the overworld icon, example, forest of goblins. from the overworld I expected a forest, but entering in i found a field. place trees at the edges and all around. Hint, by using obtacles in your maps you restrict the avalable points off access there by forcing the player to go through your exits alone.

5th the story is to direct, the dialouge is k but there needs to be more distractions, unless your goal is for the game to be quick

 

hint for exterior forest mapping

layer 1 lay base, then randomly place small objects, then place obstacles in every place you dont want a character to be, overlap when neccesary, dont be afraid to overlap, it makes it more realistic, cause trees don't grow in lines

[EmilyAnnCoons 7]

I'm not sure what you mean by putting the actual playtime and the currency...That's what you get when you open the window. I can't really change that, cause the person who made the CMS is no longer around (vanished off the internet) so I can't ask him for help. I'm actually having some errors with the CMS now and may have to locate a new one soon (which sucks, cause I like the current one a lot, but we'll have to see).

 

The towns are pretty empty. I'm trying to rework that now. I'm no good with making NPCs, as you'll notice from the mines, as each NPC says the same thing. Same with Yulan (when you get there)...all the NPCs say basically the same thing, and there aren't many of them around. So, I'm still trying to work on the NPC thing.

 

The towns themselves...yeah...I'm working on that, actually. I really can't make the towns resemble the outside tileset much at all. Inquisitor's World Map is designed "for looks" not really to look like the actual towns...He didn't really design it that way, so there's not much I can do about that. I've been considering dropping the world map and creating individual pieces of land for the player to wander through but...that might cause a problem. There's a LOT of land to cover, and I think making the player have to walk through all that land might be a problem.

 

As for "the story is too direct" what do you mean by that? I'm not 100% sure how to make the story any less direct, but if someone knows, that would be a great help.

[LovePhoenix 3]

Hmm I think what he meant by the story being too direct, is that the plot was revealed too fast. Perhaps, if you can make some gameplay before Emily/Mike has to go on the mission to kill the princess, that might be better.

[EmilyAnnCoons 7]

Hmm...that would be a good idea, but the problem is that I don't really know what else to put in front of it...Storywise, there isn't too much that occurs without skipping back 10+ years...this was as far back in the story as I could really go unfortunately. I figured, though, that if each dungeon took as long as the intro, it would be a good 10+ hours of gameplay...I'm not really sure how else to lengthen it...I'm not a very good "roundabout" thinker...I think straightforwardly, and I tend to just go for a straightforward plot...

[Enigma 10]

:o How bout, the game starts out with Emily on a mission, this way you could fully introduce her character without explicitly saying it. Say for instance shes in has broken in to a castle and is trying to steal a particular gem. You have to fight the guards to try and get to the queen's room. Once Emily gets there, the queen who is in her room wearing the gem is alarmed and gets angry at Emily. The queen doesn't realize Emily is a theif at first, but when she does her demeanor changes, becoming paniced and frightned. She begs for her life with her valuables but when Emily asks for the gem, the Queen refuses. The queen tries to make an escape, but then Emily uses some kind of blood mage magic to paralyze her. The queen realizes it and says something like "Im...Impossible a blood mage!" Emily, then starts walk closer to the queen who is begging for her life, once she gets to her she takes the gem(you can just play a sound effect that sounds like a gem or taking something).Then Emily walks toward the door, but before she leaves she takes away the paralysis. But then before Emily exits the queen could say. "How bold of you, why don't you kill me like you did my guards, Blood Mage. I've seen your face, and soon I will take your life!" "The Emily laughs and says, go ahead and try, Its immpossible to takes something thats already gone." (This implies that she has nothing to live for). She exits, then the Queen rushes out of her room into the hall way. Emily is nowhere to be seen, but there are guards laying everywhere, they aren't killed, the queen comments. A soldier even comes up to her to assure the fact that the intruder did not kill anyone, but can also not be found. It then fades out and fades in to show Emily, who is inside a pub or shop in the town when a fellow colleague of her guild comes in and brings her a message from the supreme theif to report back to the guild immeadeatly.

Also so it doesn't seem like its a filler, you could have that very queen return, demanding Emily to get back her gem from the supreme theif/guild or she will make war with the Nekos.

 

Also if you aren't able to edit the cms, make an item called "journal"(unlimited use) that calls a common event. Call it "journal" or something like that.

Then make a variable named "Journal entry"

make a conditional branch set it to variable equal to and leave it at zero, deselect set handling when conditions do not apply. Then inside the branch make the message that reminds of objective. Give ita name box thats says Entry #Number, try to avoid using 1 because it makes it seem like that would be her first mission. Once that event is completed, put a Control Variables: [Journal Entry] +=1 in there to tell the event that the player has moved on to a new entry.

Note: Once the Emily meets The Princess, it switches to Zach, you could give him a different item called, Paladin's notebook (and do Change Items: [Journal] -1), that calls the same event as the Journal and it would be on a different entry that would be zach's objective. When he gets to jessica have him put his notebook on the desk and leave it there and then use Change Items: [Palidin's Notebook] -1. When you join up with Emily in the princess use Change Items: [Journal] +1. Have him lose his notebook so that the player has to use Emily's Journal. Later you can find Palidin's notebook again, which you will use for a different task I.E increasing Paladin rank or something. For this you would create a second palidin notebook that calls another event similar to the journal 1

@> Conditional Branch: Variable [Journal Entry]==0
  @>Text: Name\[Entry #56] I need to make it passed the guards and infiltrate the Queen's room to retreive the gem.
:Branch End
@> Conditional Branch: Variable [Journal Entry]==1
  @>Text: Name\[Entry #57] I need to find and kill the princess of the Nekos in city of ...
:Branch End
@> Conditional Branch: Variable [Journal Entry]==2
  @>Text: Name\[Note #63(this is in the paladin notebook)] I need to find to go see Jessica here before I leave town.
:Branch End
@> Conditional Branch: Variable [Journal Entry]==3
  @>Text: Name\[Entry #58] We need to go into the cave to get the fruit of Ganji.
:Branch End
Erase Event

 

 

This is :o is a very direct version with the objectives, if you want it to seem more like a journal entry you could have it be more descriptive of the situation, only implying the objective and locations.

[EmilyAnnCoons 7]

As for the journal thing, I have a script for a quest diary already in the game, so I'd just use that. As for the beginning, it's a pretty good idea, I'll definitely look into it a bit more and see what I can do. I think I'd want more of a beginning for each character, though, and your idea gave me a bit more of an idea for Valerie, but I'm still not 100% on Zach and Jessica. I'll have to think about them a bit.

[EmilyAnnCoons 7]

I have updated the demo to 1.2 Previous safe files are (once again) not compatible (sorry people). Here is a list of changes I made:

 

Remade the Light's End Forest

Changed the Darminia Castle a bit

Switched up the door system

Changed several of the game lines

Added voice acting*

Modified various maps

Added several NPCs**

Expanded city sizes

Updated 2 chests to use the lock picking system

 

* = This is actually a glitch, I forgot to take it out, you'll only hear the voice acting in about 5 lines.

** = There are still cities without NPCs, I know how to do them, I just haven't done them yet.

[TheSchneid 0]

I found a bug...the signpost just as you leave the building from the start of the

game. you click on it to read it and it shuts the game down.

 

Hope im helpful in telling that =]

 

ive only played a little of the game....

got things on my mind.. i cant concentrate on it atm

[EmilyAnnCoons 7]

Thanks =D That's a glitch left over from my old Message Script. If you encounter anymore, let me know. Or if you encounter any text windows with \nm[<name>] at the end, cause I have to fix those.

[TheSchneid 0]

the shop in the building you start in,...

that has some of that text lol

[EmilyAnnCoons 7]

Awesome =D let me know if you find anything else.

[Enigma 10]

Awesome =D let me know if you find anything else.

 

Whew

:D

Emily I got to say this demo was alot better than the old one in terms of storyline and pacing. Also the maps looks a hell of alot better. I found 2 glitches. When you go into Darminia Castle, and take the stair case downstairs instead of up to Valeria's room you get teleported to a shop in Karagom, even worse is the second glitch, when you try to exit, you get teleported into a wall in Karagom, since there is no debug mode, this messes you up if you havent saved

 

Honestly, I think you could have made 3 more improvents.

1. Cannot find Quest Diary
   If I dont remeber what I have to do, I have to restart. This would rlly suck if you where half way through the game. Also put some dirrection in there like, go to Darminia whcihc is southwest from here. That way the player won't get bored and lose track of the story
   
2. FIller Npc's not cool
   Gives a feel of lack of effort, in fact you don't need to add more than 10 events per town area, just give them each 1 line and a diffrent hue. Its very distrurbing to enter a town where everyone looks the same, regardless of whether its in real life.
   
3. exploration is great but confusion makes people quit
   Your world map is to accesible, at the begining, you should put an event thats invisible but solid like a rock with 255 transparecy and give it a switch off operation, putting something like this in fron of dragon pass will save the player more time.
   

 

Playtime is not as important as the time spent on the story line because that keeps the reader engaged in the story of the game itself.