Leon 55 Report post Posted December 1, 2009 Okay, so this is the teaser for the project I have been contemplating on. Please, leave me feedback! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Marked 197 Report post Posted December 1, 2009 This looks good, rather professional looking. Seems like an appealing intro, though one or two words seem out of place as well as an apostrophe(in the first sentence). I'm not the best reader though, could be just me. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Leon 55 Report post Posted December 1, 2009 There are no apostrophes... >.> <.< Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kaylen 1 Report post Posted December 1, 2009 NO! That isn't fair. I've been planning on putting epoch in my title for years. Now I'll have to think of something else, thanks a lot. Anyways, looks interesting. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Leon 55 Report post Posted December 1, 2009 Heh... I'm so sorry, Kaylen! I didn't mean to steal anyone's thunder... I just needed something other than Legend, Legacy, Advetures, Tales, ...etc... I needed something unique and different. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kaylen 1 Report post Posted December 1, 2009 Precisely what I was thinking. I was just going to name mine 'Epoch' though. Guess I still will... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Leon 55 Report post Posted December 1, 2009 I don't see why not. Mine is merely a tale which leads into something bigger; and Epoch's definition hit the nail on the head. At any rate, if you can find a more suitable title for my game, I will change the title... Maybe. :P Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Marked 197 Report post Posted December 1, 2009 There are no apostrophes... >.> <.> Haha, I mean comma. In my defense though, english was my best subject in school :P Well anyway, sentence structure seems the main thing to give feedback on here. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kaylen 1 Report post Posted December 1, 2009 Nah, you thought of it too so you can use it. Also in line 2: nix the comma after extravagant. Oh, and maybe change 'to' to 'and' in line 5. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Leon 55 Report post Posted December 1, 2009 Haha, I mean comma. In my defense though, english was my best subject in school :P Well anyway, sentence structure seems the main thing to give feedback on here. I hear you on English. As for structure, I also want feedback on the overall appearance. Does the statement hook? Which is more appealing? The words and their meaning, or the picture in the background? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Leon 55 Report post Posted December 1, 2009 Nah, you thought of it too so you can use it. Also in line 2: nix the comma after extravagant. Oh, and maybe change 'to' to 'and' in line 5. I changed the comma in line 2 to a semi-colon. As for line 5, it is now '...each telling. To still, even fewer...' Mainly because you should never start a sentence with 'And'. And that is why I fail english <-- P.S. Thanks for the permission. lol EDIT: Sorry for the double post. replied to one and the other appeared. o.o Kaylen can do magic like that, apparently. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
FranklinX 37 Report post Posted December 1, 2009 This looks very good and professional. How much work do you have done? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Leon 55 Report post Posted December 1, 2009 Just that Prologue, all the scripts, I have started designing the characters in detail, the database, and have two maps done. Just enough for around a 4-6 minute intro. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kiriashi 117 Report post Posted December 1, 2009 That color is a bit to hard to read. That's my only complaint. Also, using articles in a title can be considered cliche; I'm just saying. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
