Legend of Biblus

[Raiku44 0]

ok so i am working on a project called "Legend of Biblus"

it's basically a game where you play out the creation of "biblus" the aincient bible of my game.

 

but before we can play a game we need to set the are, and due to the game being a playable version of the bible i figured i'd create a "birth" of a planet in biblical text format, just would like your opinions on this.. can it be improved?

 

 

 

 

The Holy Biblus

(The Tale of Gaia)

Saga i: Before time.

The earliest ages of gaia were dark and barren, a wasteland planet with but a spec of life in the form of spirit, There were Two powerful beings with control over the very forces around us. The brothers Mar and Tronn both born from a single parent with powers that are far greater then what any other being can comprehend. Mar and Tronn were but minor shards of the beings powers and they were created to spread life throughout the stars. The planet gaia was a solid planet vast and spacious, a perfect location for life to develop But before the life could be established, Gaia itself had to be terraformed into a life sustainable environment. Mar said that their would have to be water to keep gaia hydrated, so together they created oceans vast and wide and created a protector who is known as Wirona. Tronn said the creatures would need heat or they would freeze to death, so the brothers created volcano's to spew molten lava and spread heat through gaia and again a protector names Freyra was created. Mar and Tronn looked in awe at the creations they had made but they were still unhappy with gaia's ability to sustain life thus they created Tree's and Foliage to spread Oxygen through gaia Following the goliage came a gentle breeze placed by Mar to aid in the balance between the oceans waters, the volcano's heat and the natures dirt, They created two protectors for these creations; Wise rann the keeper of nature and the serenity of the air Kail. The brothers satissfied with their creations decided now it was time to spread Life into gaia, They created small land and sea creatures and helped them to grasp a hold onto the natural life spirit within gaia. The brothers were happy with this final creation, but it being the most precious of the creations Mar decided life needed a special protector, One who would be strong for eternity. Grita was born, a female so beautiful that a mortal man would be blinded by her sight. Mar so pleased with his creation and of course attracted to his creation decided to make Grita his lover and wife. The lands were flowing smoothly and effortlessly, until Grita fell pregnant. Filled with jelous envy Brother tronn Killed the baby within Grita, untapping into a never before seen side of himself, Tronn decided he lifked the new feelings of power and sattisfaction and began leading a life of death and destruction. Mar was very upset and angry with his brother for killing his unborn son. Grita and Mar combined their powers to heal and aid the unborn feotus back to health but the child was changed forever. Siro was born a handsome child with a great loving mother and father but he was Tainted by his pre-birth death he wanted nothing more then to see chaos surround him, He tormented his parents imbedding nightmarish visions into their minds and taking control of their minds. Mar had enough of his son's tricks and banished Siro to walk the lands of Gaia for the rest of time. Siro filled with rage and vowed that he would oneday reunite with his father, Not Mar but the father who made him the way he is today, Tronn.

By Rhys Parsons.

Saga ii: Evolution.

After life began on gaia things were going along smoothly until a few things began happening, The life forms on gaia were beginning to mutate due to the changing weather paterns created by the different elements, This was something brothers Mar and Tronn had not expected. The creatures began getting more intelligent and more hostile. Siro still angry at his biological father saw oppourtunity, he helped the mutations along speeding up the rate of mutation growing the beings into much more intelligent and able beings, There were now small tribes of creatures forming and small herds. Mar thought nothing of the mutations, he saw them as improvments if anything. However the beings were getting more and more hostile and begin fighting over territories and land and the beings kept mutating and evolving into creatures that are now known today as Klagnites. The klagnites had now began construction of housing and weaponry in defence for invading klagnites who wanted their land for foraging. Mar saw that things were beginning to get much and decided to create a Hero named Lexir who was to congress among the Klagnites and aid them in their evolution so they could stop heading down a path of destruction. Lexir tought the Klagnites language and mathematical skills and helped the klagnites to lead a life of communication rather then hostility. The klagnites began developing traits that would deter the 3 Capital races of todays life: Dwarves, Elves and Humans. Mar saw that some of the klagnites prefered to live in mountain sides and darker places, he dubbed these klagnites Dwarves a Second lot of Klagnites seemed to prefer the trees as a home and built houses among the tree tops, He dubbed them Elves. He saw that there was a third class of Klagnites that were slightly different from the other two, The third group were more paranoid then the other two groups, they built great walls around their villages and created weaponry for defence. Among the three capital class Klagnites Mar saw that there were other clans of Klagnites that didn't quite fit in with any of the other three, Some klagnites were completely savage and were extremely hostile towards strangers, he dubbed these Orcs and there were some klagnites that stood much much taller then the rest of the klagnites but were rather rare, He dubbed these Giants. The life on Gaia had deffinently began to shape gaia and what gaia was to come.

By Rhys Parsons

 

Saga iii: The Second AGE

Lexir the great was now settled in a Human city preaching his sayings and quoting the gods who guided him here, Siro saw Lexir as the perfect tool for bringing ultimate chaos. He snuck into lexirs bed chamber and tainted a his drink to make his spirit weak. Siro saw the weak spirit in Lexirs body and began chanting an incantation that would rid Lexirs body of a spirit allowing the spirit and body of Siro to take it's place. Siro now in Lexirs body had power of the Humans due to his teachings. Siro began preaching tales of attacks by the Clans of dwarves and elves resulting in all out racial wars. Siro was pleased at the chaos he had created, The wars resulted in many deaths feeding Tronn's powers. Tronn appeared on gaia and called out his brother Mar to face him on the battlefield which was once the creation they worked on together. Mar denied Tronn the battle so Tronn began destroying the beings on gaia and causing destruction. Things for gaia were beginning to look very dark. Mar decided instead of fighting Tronn he would create another hero to re-unite the three races and have the races rise up and banish Tronn. Mar created the hero Argo, Argo began his work in the lands of the elves. Preaching them telling them that their brothers the humans have been decieved and misled, that Lexir had been posessed and influenced the humans into wrong doing. The elves and humans were once again at peace. But the dwarves were still furious with the other races and wanted nothing to do with them. Argo rose the humans and elves morale and aided them to form one enormous army big enough to face Tronn and banish him. The battlefield was covered in the blood of many good hearted elves and humans, The dwarves saw the bloodshed and saw there bretheren the elves and humans dieing and ran to their aide. United all three of the races banished Tronn once again. The lands were once again peaceful.

By Rhys Parsons

 

Saga iv: Mana flow

Gaia was alive and everything was running smoothly, until siro decided it was once again time to cause some mischief. Siro this time infiltrated the elven cities and began teaching the arts of Magic, he then headed to the dwarven lands and tought them how to invent and create machinery. The elves felt that with their new found magic they were able to connect deeper with the wise rann Keeper of nature and felt all that gaia felt. The elves then began to feel the disruptions amongst gaia the balance was off set once again. The elves whent to war with the dwarves over the uses of magic and tech. This war was never settled, there was however a peacetreaty signed between the two races who vowed that if they would not directly interfere with eachother then things would be ok. So the elves stayed away from the mountains where the dwarves lived and the dwarves stayed away from the forests where the elves lived. Things were going along fine with the humans villages being in the middle housing both tech using dwarves and magic using elves, tempers flared when the two were near eachother, they just didn't match at all. The gods had no control over the beings minds so they could not control the practices of magic and invention. Things were getting pretty heavy on gaia these days with all the racial hate, the tech and mage war and general life itself was pretty hectic. Certain beings would try and rise up to power over the other beings but most of the time they were killed before anything serious happened, but occasionally there were loopholes. Beings found ways to control oneanother not with magic or powers but simply with the word of mouth. Beings were able to influence another being into doing an action. Soon there were alot of religions and factions formed through large cities and villages.

By Rhys Parsons

 

 

 

The bible is not finished yet, it gets updated through the game, this part of the bible is basically support for the game to help people understand the herritage of the planet. The game is basically you play the role of a "Moses type figure?" your goal is to reunite the three core races and defeat the evil that influence the destruction in the lands.

Edited October 13, 2010 by Raiku44

[Noob Saibot 38]

Sounds geto-ish. I have not read any other countries bibles, but I have read Mormon (parts), Jehovah (parts), and Christen (a lot of parts)and they all seem to follow the same "feel" when reading it. "And God said unto thee...." It's more of a wording issue that makes it sound geto-ish. I suggest skimming through a few bibles to get a feel of how they are written.

[Raiku44 0]

i honestly don't think that the way it has been written up helps it haha, sometimes i get these ideas in my head and they are going so quick in my brain that while i am typing them out sometimes they don't come out 100% clear :S The plan was to split the bible into many different sections similar to a real bible (john 3:16) obviously not exact the same i have done a general chapter title for each section, that was more so a chapter title for the game rather then the bible itself XD

 

the idea was to have to player collect different pages and paragraphs from the bible through the game and in the end if they have found enough pages, they should be able to put the information together to make one big story which is the basis of this thread ^^ that is the rough draft of the bible before being sectioned and paragraphed, i find it easier to write the story and then edit in and out parts from there and this is probably about the first 1/3-1/4 of the bible :s this is the part that the players learn before playing the game and "writing" the rest of the bible.

[Noob Saibot 38]

i honestly don't think that the way it has been written up helps it haha,

 

Looking at most contemporary literature based with religion about 98% of them are well written to the point that the reader doesn't feel as if they are reading a story or history book which is the case with yours.