Warriors: A Kingdom Divided

[Dragon324 16]

Background

 

Over 10,000 years ago there was a great war between Humans, Monsters, and the Underworld. When the World almost faced extinction a Hero appeared. No one knows who this person was or where he had come from but it was clear he was on our side. During the Final Battle this hero slew the keeper of the underworld. During this battle however both his foes and his own life was taken. Before he died he left the people of our world with this edict: Every 1,000 Years I shall resurrect a new Hero a man a so called chosen one and give him my power to eradicate evil from these lands. As the hero so told new heroes were chosen to carry out his duties, and succeed in their mission to destroy evil. However after the 6th chosen was picked to carry out the Heroes duties he was slew before he could carry out his mission to seal evil for a thousand years. With this action struck fear into the hearts of everyone. Everyone thought it was just a one time thing but after the 7th, 8th, 9th, and 10th chosen failed to complete this quest it became clear that that was not true. Peopled stopped believing in the Heroes prophecy and so 3 different factions started to break out among the people. The believers of what few where left, the Nonbelievers who have completely given up hope for a savior, and those people who believed that their own actions could prevent world destruction. Now evil has taken over this world once again, and not many cities remain. Now more than ever is the time for a new hero to save us from total destruction. Will you be the one to save us or will Evil triumph as you and your friends are killed and hope will be forever lost. Our story first takes place in a town named Athrium, that has been under attack for several months, you are the prince of this kingdom. Good luck and my the heavens guide you toward victory.

 

 

Characters

 

Fayt: Age 20: Prince of Athrium was asked to help defend the city from attackers. Always keeps his promises and never likes to leave anyone behind in battle. Honest hard working person that treats everyone fairly even women, who have been mistreated do to several reasons. Goes out of his way to help a girl named Maria

 

Maria: Age 18: A girl who helps Fayt first defend the castle when it falls under attack. A peasant who surprisingly has really well developed fighting skills. She appears to have lost her memory and cannot recall anything about her past. Much like Fayt she tries to help anyone in need no matter who they are, shes a strong believer in second chances

 

???: Age 38( Cant give you the name will ruin some of the story): An older man who spy's on the enemy. Helps Fayt, and Maria when they get in trouble. No one knows why he does what he does but he takes strong effort to defeat his enemies. A loner who does not get along with almost anyone, very knowledgeable about various different things. Very strict and cruel and believers that people get what they deserve.

 

???: Age Unknown: ( same as before will ruin some of the story line if I reveal name): A warrior who is also a loner. He hates almost everyone, no one knows why he feels this way. He only takes kindness and orders from one person. Very experienced and knowledgeable about the old ways.

 

I Believe revealing anymore will ruin the game

 

Features

 

Blacksmith/Alchemy, Party Changing options with over 50 classes of heroes to choose from, Quest lists, Monster party members, Approval ratings between the 4 main characters and the civilians, Defending your castle from 2 different types of attacks using mercenary's and monsters strategically to overcome them, Death system where your choices can determine whether some people live or die, Side View Battle System.

 

 

Demo link: In Alpha testing

Teaser Trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HnNqJfUSTt8.

Credits: Here is the credits:

Title Screen: Polraudio

Scripts: Blizzard, game_guy, Leon_Westbrooke, Enu, Atoa, Kylock, Mr. Bubble, cairn, Polraudio, ForeverZer0.

Battlers: Lora

Character Sprites: kboom

Music: Dragons Age, Legend of the Seeker

Warriors Team: Dragon324, Zach, kboom, Lora

Edited October 9, 2011 by Dragon324

[FranklinX 37]

I like the story. Stories the key to success! I suggest you work on your maps. Judging by the screen shots they are very empty. Add more objects to your maps.

[Dragon324 16]

I like the story. Stories the key to success! I suggest you work on your maps. Judging by the screen shots they are very empty. Add more objects to your maps.

Ok I added some cover objects to the maps was wandering what you thought now.

[FranklinX 37]

The forest looks much better. It's more realistic with more grass, flowers, and trees. Your indoors map looks a bit boring. Add pictures, rugs, and other objects.

[Dragon324 16]

The forest looks much better. It's more realistic with more grass, flowers, and trees. Your indoors map looks a bit boring. Add pictures, rugs, and other objects.

Okay modified the pub does that look any better?

[rgangsta 43]

They need more objects. Look at this map I made with VX.

 

 

What I've learned about mapping forests is that small spaces and screen toning brings out the effects.

[Dragon324 16]

They need more objects. Look at this map I made with VX.

 

 

What I've learned about mapping forests is that small spaces and screen toning brings out the effects.

K I added a few more objects and showed a pic with the fog on so is it okay. Also I think I'm a go to the tutorial for mapping section since I'm having problems

[zane203 8]

I like the initial start, and I know you all have a lot to work on, so im going to hold my criticism =] (just remember criticism is meant for improvement, not to be mean x.X)

 

I hope to play this though -- im interested ^_^

[Dragon324 16]

I like the initial start, and I know you all have a lot to work on, so im going to hold my criticism =] (just remember criticism is meant for improvement, not to be mean x.X)

 

I hope to play this though -- im interested ^_^

Ill take all the criticism I can get this is my first project I have ever worked on and morale within the group seems pretty low so anything to steer us in the right direction would be very appreciative. I have redone that demo like 3 times and I just want to get it right. Thanks for taken interest though we will try our best to improve and get a game trailer up.

[Dragon324 16]

Version 1.1 has been added which beefs up about 5 of the maps.

Edited July 5, 2011 by Dragon324

[zane203 8]

alrighty, sorry for the late reply, had a lot of school stuff going on, im going to download this now and give it a go =D.

[Dragon324 16]

alrighty, sorry for the late reply, had a lot of school stuff going on, im going to download this now and give it a go =D.

I'm glade your interested but its faulted don't talk to the monk in the castle he has a cape and brown hair or it will screw up and since I lost a portion of my project I cant fix so just a heads up.

[zane203 8]

ah, i know how it is when a project files, for what ever reason, lost and you can not continue.

 

but you can still do what im doing.

 

take the last build of your work, and transfer it to a new gameproj file, and start over. Well in my case, im redoing a lot, from the game mechanics to style of play and ect.

[Dragon324 16]

The teaser trailer for the game is up check it out http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HnNqJfUSTt8.

Edited June 5, 2011 by Dragon324

[Dragon324 16]

The teaser trailer for the game is up check it out http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HnNqJfUSTt8.

Still Testing,

 

I have added a bunch of new things, like a slideshow, a new title screen thanks to Pol, better maps, a place that rewards you for doing so many side quests, some edited text to go along with the story.

Edited July 7, 2011 by Dragon324

[Jon Bon 43]

The new Demo is up!!!! :clap:. You can find it here: http://www.mediafire...5v4zk55ot09ipki

 

I have added a bunch of new things, like a slideshow, a new title screen thanks to Pol, and a lot more.

 

 

Typos/Grammar/Comprehension

-In the battle tutorial, your spacing is all messed up. Lots of sentences have spaces at the beginning. Only indent at the beginning of a sentence if it starts a paragraph.This is all dialogue so does not need indenting. Keep everything aligned to the left margin.

-In the battle tutorial it says "Under fight you will see four things", 'things' should be swapped with the word 'commands'. As you list the commands, each sentence starts with first, or second, or third, etc. Every time you start a sentence and are listing something, you must put a comma after first, or second. Example, you wrote: "First attack will allow you to do a normal attack". This reads as 'first attack', it should read: "First, attack will allow you to do a normal attack." This forces a pause while reading and separates the two ideas. The same is necessary for 'third', and 'last', but you have it already for 'Second'.

-In the battle tutorial you wrote: "At the bottom you will see three things". This should read: "At the bottom of the screen you will see some information displayed. Then continue to list what they are. The list after here does not need commas after first, second etc,because you used is.

-In the battle tutorial you wrote: "If all characters in your party is knocked out it is gameover." The sentence should read: "If all character in your party are knocked out it is game over.".

-In the game specific tutorial, you wrote "In this game there is a large variety of classes in the game ranging from monsters and human classes,"It should read: "There are a large variety of classes in the game, ranging from monster to humans."

-In the game specific tutorial, you wrote: "however you are only allowed one of each at class at any giventime it is important to keep that in mind." It should read: "However you are only allowed one of each of a class at any given time. It is important to keep this in mind."

-In the gamespecific tutorial, you wrote: "You will get soldiers at any pub in the city and can disposit/withdraw them or change there class at any barracks." It should read: "You will get soldiers at any pub in the city and can deposit/withdraw them or change their class at anybarracks.

 

At this point it became apparent to me that you did not type your dialogue separate into a wordprocessor which would then spell check and grammar check it for you. This is a MUST, you have many simple mistakes that a grammar checker, and even a spell checker would fix. Some of the sentences even have ideas mentioned twice, which means you did not reread them for comprehension. Your work should always be self edited before handing it off to another to edit. I will not be doing any more grammar or word fixes until YOU give ALL dialogue a TWICE over. Keep in mind I am doing for free what people get paid to do. There should be as much work done on your part as realistically possible.

 

 

Graphics and Bugs

 

-The bed on the title screen has no top sheet. Normally the tile set should have just a sheet you put on the third layer to give the illusion of entering the bed. Without it, walking on the bed makes it look flat and loses its 3D effect.

-In the throne room of the castle at the beginning, there are two pots behind old people. They do not have wall above them, ruins the 3D effect.

-The hallway leading out of the throne room is all weird looking. The door I leave from is 3 squareswide, and then the doorway I walk to is 2 wide, then when I come out it's the same door graphic as before which is 3 wide. Make the exit door in the hall from the throne room 3 wide rather then two, then even out your room so it will look better to the eye.

-I get rushed by guys in armor who look like soldiers, then when the fight starts I am battling an Evil Peasant and a Slime? That makes no sense, you need to change who I battle or change the sprite graphic to match the peasant.

-Immediately after I defeated the swarm of bad guys outside the castle, I went back inside the castle. Upon leaving again, the door leading outside is open and automatically leads me back into the castle, effectively making it impossible for me to move forward. If you want I could event you a wicked door.

 

Suggestions

 

-At some point include the sentence 'Warriors, come out and play. WARRIORS, COME OUT ANDPLAAAAAAAY!" Reference to the cult classic movie The Warriors.

-The intro music continues during the tutorial. Maybe have a different more battle themed song play for the tutorial.

-It is well expected to give those who helped credit, and nice to thank others, but leave it out of the intro, unless you are going to fade it on screen at the bottom like a movie/TV show. I would just add another option at the beginning and have something in the room trigger the credits. This way you can properly credit and thank everyone.

-In the throne room EVERY npc is standing still, try putting the guards on stop animation, so they slowly run in spot. This gives the room a more animated look.

-All the NPCs have their direction fixed, so they do not turn to me when I speak with them, some of them say nothing at all. That combined with them standing in place, makes it feel like I am in a wax museum. Need to make them not direction fixed, event dialogue in for ALL sprites present, and have at least one sprite moving. I suggest making a councillor/advisor who is panicked at the current situation and is simply running back and forth at a high speed in spot over like 4 or 5squares.

-Your door events are decent, but need some work. Add a manual screen fade, a wait, and a doorsound effect, an open SFX at start, and a close SFX at end.

 

 

Impressions(as theycame up)

 

-Love the intromusic

-This is extremely hard on the eyes to read. The spacing is all messed, use your margins.

-I was disappointed with the story, then when it said the 6th and following 3 got killed as well, I literally got chills. Good idea.

-Hmm, are those old people guarding those pots? If so they are doing a horrible job, I can go beneath them to check the pot/jar.

 

I must say, that I get the impression you have not played through your own game yet. There are so many small yet glaring mistakes, that you will be able to see and fix within seconds if you play through. Where as it takes me 5 times longer to document it and explain it to you. You need to try EVERY door, as at least one is not working correctly, meaning you did not test all of them. YOU also need to walk along EVERY wall to make sure all your pathing is correct. Lastly you should interact with EVERY event you made. On top of that as you play you need to back track and toggle things, even though you don't want to, because people will back track and thats where alot of event errors come about. Of course you can not find all errors, that is the point of getting it tested. However in its current state, this is definitely alpha testing on my part, which is fine but you are labeling this as a Demo, which it is not. I truely think you need to play through this 5 times, yup 5 times and you will find and fix so many mistakes I think it will surprise you.

 

All in all I am truely impressed, if the game pans out the way I think it will, I will definitely pay to play this. You have an ambitious goal and I fully intend to help you test and improve upon your project, but you have to meet me half way in the aspect of testing it yourself thoroughly before handing it off, which I believe you have not.

 

Great job so far man, I look forward to testing a smoother game, and eventually shelling out some coin for it.

P.S. Definitely stop typing your dialogue directly into your game, thats a really bad habit to get into, and you are making more work for yourself. Type it all out in a word processor first with spell and grammar checker, and move it as needed, this way you have a back up, and it's pre-proof read. There should be no reason to have an error in each dialogue box.

[Dragon324 16]

Typos/Grammar/Comprehension

-In the battle tutorial, your spacing is all messed up. Lots of sentences have spaces at the beginning. Only indent at the beginning of a sentence if it starts a paragraph.This is all dialogue so does not need indenting. Keep everything aligned to the left margin.

-In the battle tutorial it says "Under fight you will see four things", 'things' should be swapped with the word 'commands'. As you list the commands, each sentence starts with first, or second, or third, etc. Every time you start a sentence and are listing something, you must put a comma after first, or second. Example, you wrote: "First attack will allow you to do a normal attack". This reads as 'first attack', it should read: "First, attack will allow you to do a normal attack." This forces a pause while reading and separates the two ideas. The same is necessary for 'third', and 'last', but you have it already for 'Second'.

-In the battle tutorial you wrote: "At the bottom you will see three things". This should read: "At the bottom of the screen you will see some information displayed. Then continue to list what they are. The list after here does not need commas after first, second etc,because you used is.

-In the battle tutorial you wrote: "If all characters in your party is knocked out it is gameover." The sentence should read: "If all character in your party are knocked out it is game over.".

-In the game specific tutorial, you wrote "In this game there is a large variety of classes in the game ranging from monsters and human classes,"It should read: "There are a large variety of classes in the game, ranging from monster to humans."

-In the game specific tutorial, you wrote: "however you are only allowed one of each at class at any giventime it is important to keep that in mind." It should read: "However you are only allowed one of each of a class at any given time. It is important to keep this in mind."

-In the gamespecific tutorial, you wrote: "You will get soldiers at any pub in the city and can disposit/withdraw them or change there class at any barracks." It should read: "You will get soldiers at any pub in the city and can deposit/withdraw them or change their class at anybarracks.

 

At this point it became apparent to me that you did not type your dialogue separate into a wordprocessor which would then spell check and grammar check it for you. This is a MUST, you have many simple mistakes that a grammar checker, and even a spell checker would fix. Some of the sentences even have ideas mentioned twice, which means you did not reread them for comprehension. Your work should always be self edited before handing it off to another to edit. I will not be doing any more grammar or word fixes until YOU give ALL dialogue a TWICE over. Keep in mind I am doing for free what people get paid to do. There should be as much work done on your part as realistically possible.

 

 

Graphics and Bugs

 

-The bed on the title screen has no top sheet. Normally the tile set should have just a sheet you put on the third layer to give the illusion of entering the bed. Without it, walking on the bed makes it look flat and loses its 3D effect.

-In the throne room of the castle at the beginning, there are two pots behind old people. They do not have wall above them, ruins the 3D effect.

-The hallway leading out of the throne room is all weird looking. The door I leave from is 3 squareswide, and then the doorway I walk to is 2 wide, then when I come out it's the same door graphic as before which is 3 wide. Make the exit door in the hall from the throne room 3 wide rather then two, then even out your room so it will look better to the eye.

-I get rushed by guys in armor who look like soldiers, then when the fight starts I am battling an Evil Peasant and a Slime? That makes no sense, you need to change who I battle or change the sprite graphic to match the peasant.

-Immediately after I defeated the swarm of bad guys outside the castle, I went back inside the castle. Upon leaving again, the door leading outside is open and automatically leads me back into the castle, effectively making it impossible for me to move forward. If you want I could event you a wicked door.

 

Suggestions

 

-At some point include the sentence 'Warriors, come out and play. WARRIORS, COME OUT ANDPLAAAAAAAY!" Reference to the cult classic movie The Warriors.

-The intro music continues during the tutorial. Maybe have a different more battle themed song play for the tutorial.

-It is well expected to give those who helped credit, and nice to thank others, but leave it out of the intro, unless you are going to fade it on screen at the bottom like a movie/TV show. I would just add another option at the beginning and have something in the room trigger the credits. This way you can properly credit and thank everyone.

-In the throne room EVERY npc is standing still, try putting the guards on stop animation, so they slowly run in spot. This gives the room a more animated look.

-All the NPCs have their direction fixed, so they do not turn to me when I speak with them, some of them say nothing at all. That combined with them standing in place, makes it feel like I am in a wax museum. Need to make them not direction fixed, event dialogue in for ALL sprites present, and have at least one sprite moving. I suggest making a councillor/advisor who is panicked at the current situation and is simply running back and forth at a high speed in spot over like 4 or 5squares.

-Your door events are decent, but need some work. Add a manual screen fade, a wait, and a doorsound effect, an open SFX at start, and a close SFX at end.

 

 

Impressions(as theycame up)

 

-Love the intromusic

-This is extremely hard on the eyes to read. The spacing is all messed, use your margins.

-I was disappointed with the story, then when it said the 6th and following 3 got killed as well, I literally got chills. Good idea.

-Hmm, are those old people guarding those pots? If so they are doing a horrible job, I can go beneath them to check the pot/jar.

 

I must say, that I get the impression you have not played through your own game yet. There are so many small yet glaring mistakes, that you will be able to see and fix within seconds if you play through. Where as it takes me 5 times longer to document it and explain it to you. You need to try EVERY door, as at least one is not working correctly, meaning you did not test all of them. YOU also need to walk along EVERY wall to make sure all your pathing is correct. Lastly you should interact with EVERY event you made. On top of that as you play you need to back track and toggle things, even though you don't want to, because people will back track and thats where alot of event errors come about. Of course you can not find all errors, that is the point of getting it tested. However in its current state, this is definitely alpha testing on my part, which is fine but you are labeling this as a Demo, which it is not. I truely think you need to play through this 5 times, yup 5 times and you will find and fix so many mistakes I think it will surprise you.

 

All in all I am truely impressed, if the game pans out the way I think it will, I will definitely pay to play this. You have an ambitious goal and I fully intend to help you test and improve upon your project, but you have to meet me half way in the aspect of testing it yourself thoroughly before handing it off, which I believe you have not.

 

Great job so far man, I look forward to testing a smoother game, and eventually shelling out some coin for it.

P.S. Definitely stop typing your dialogue directly into your game, thats a really bad habit to get into, and you are making more work for yourself. Type it all out in a word processor first with spell and grammar checker, and move it as needed, this way you have a back up, and it's pre-proof read. There should be no reason to have an error in each dialogue box.

Thank you for the in-depth review :P. I will remove the demo link above us and rename it to Testing. Sorry I thought I had a lot of things fixed but that is what happens when you play test a game at 12:01AM, you miss a lot.

[Dragon324 16]

I know its been a long time, this game is currently still under production. However I have decided to use Ace instead of XP, and I'm thinking about making a new topic for it as well.