Disorder In The American Courts

[Wyzrd 12]

>>> These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are

 

>> things

>>> people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now

>> published by

>>> court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these >>>

exchanges

>> were

>>> actually taking place.

>>>

>>> ___________________________________________________

>>>

>>> ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?

>>> WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

>>> ____________________________________________________________________

>>>

>>> ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

>>> WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

>>> ______________________________________

>>>

>>> ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

>>> WITNESS: Yes.

>>> ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

>>> WITNESS: I forget.

>>> ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you >>>

forgot?

>>> ______________________________________________________________

>>>

>>> ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that >>>

morning?

>>> WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

>>> ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

>>> WITNESS: My name is Susan!

>>> ______________________________________

>>>

>>> ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in

voodoo?

>>> WITNESS: We both do.

>>> ATTORNEY: Voodoo?

>>> WITNESS: We do.

>>> ATTORNEY: You do?

>>> WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

>>> ______________________________________

>>>

>>> ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his

>>> sleep,

>>

>>> he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

>>> WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

>>> ____________________________________________________________

>>>

>>> ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old is he?

>>> WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.

>>> ________________________________________

>>>

>>> ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

>>> WITNESS: Are you shitt'in me?

>>> ______________________________________

>>>

>>> ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

>>> WITNESS: Yes.

>>> ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

>>> WITNESS: Uh.... I was gett'in laid!

>>> ______________________________________

>>>

>>> ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

>>> WITNESS: Yes.

>>> ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

>>> WITNESS: None.

>>> ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

>>> WITNESS: Are you kidding me? Your Honor, I think I need a different

>>> attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

>>> _________________________________________________________

>>>

>>> ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

>>> WITNESS: By death.

>>> ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

>>> WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?

>>> ______________________________________

>>>

>>> ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

>>> WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

>>> ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

>>> WITNESS: Guess.

>>> _____________________________________

>>>

>>> ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a

>>> deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

>>> WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

>>> ____________________________________________________

>>>

>>> ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed

>>> on dead people?

>>> WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you

>>> like to rephrase that?

>>> ______________________________________

>>>

>>> ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go

>>> to?

>>> WITNESS: Oral.

>>> ______________________________________

>>>

>>> ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

>>> WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

>>> ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time e?

>>> WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing

>>> an autopsy on him!

>>> ____________________________________________

>>>

>>> ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

>>> WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?

>>> _____________________________________________________________

>>>

>>> --- And the best for last: ---

>>>

>>> ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy,

>>> did you check for a pulse?

>>> WITNESS: No.

>>> ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

>>> WITNESS: No.

>>> ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

>>> WITNESS: No.

>>> ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive

>>> when you began the autopsy?

>>> WITNESS: No.

>>> ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

>>> WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

>>> ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,

>> nevertheless?

>>> WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and >>>

practicing

>>

>>> law.

[Dark Dragon 0]

LOOOOOOOOOOL thats all I can say xD