Other World

[Demondaze 0]

Deadly fangs of human mind

Envisioned by children pretending

A sorrow unlike any kind

...a world slowly ending.

 

Naught compares to home I know

Though still the memory flees

The tempting beauty of falling snow

...or warm nights like these.

 

Legends of a tragic world

Victims of their peers' desire

Melded swords, sensations hurled

...towards the light as Dark grew tired.

 

Ten thousand enlightened years

Between the grave descent

As darkness speaks of whims and fears

...they force it to repent.

 

Painted by a science blurred

the planet lies in pain

Those who died are soon referred

...to heroes wrongly slain.

 

Sands of light from high above

planets meander afar

I watch, observe as they fall in love

...with the world the fallen are.

[Satiel 0]

Awesome.

I'm not good at criticizing lyrics, but here goes nothing.

 

I really enjoyed your rhyming pattern (every second line). I've seen so many people butchering their art because they tried to rhyme every single line together. This really lifts my spirits ^.^

 

This almost sounds like a Metal song (like by Arch Enemy or possibly Ministry, like their Burning Inside). It's dark and brutal at times, like at "As darkness speaks of whims and fears

...they force it to repent."

 

What made you write these lyrics, like what influenced you?

[Demondaze 0]

Honestly?

 

The Celtic myth of the Otherworld; the misty land where spirits go to when they die. Rolling fields of emerald green, fog enshrouded valleys, cool days and warm nights, all that jazz. Couple that with a somewhat FF-esque battle against evil, and you've got pretty much what I was writing about. Like, the narrator was one of those "heroes wrongly slain", and he's telling the tory of the war, but he's torn between the beautiful Otherworld, and his own home, the land he came from. In the end, he decides that if the stars he knew from home have come here as well, then perhaps he could fall in love with the world of the fallen warriors as well.

 

If you preferred not knowing the story, just diregard what I said and go back to however you'd like to interpret it.

 

Seriously, it's all the same. By the way, you'll almost never see me be that serious again. Cherish the moment.

 

And the subtext is supposed to say "Steal it and I'll hunt you down and gut you like the Grinch!", but letters got cut off. I just thought I'd throw that out there.