Mortality Chronicles

[Noah918 1]

Well I guess it’s finally time that I do this. I have been working on this game for almost four years now and although I haven’t completely finished it the first chapter (3-5hrs game play) is almost ready to go. The game is called Mortality Chronicles and focuses on the mortality aspect of humans such as abilities, limitations, and flaws. Although the game has similar themes to many RPGs, I feel that I have added the extra layer of character development by focusing on creating believable characters (at least that’s the goal).

 

Prologue

 

 

The beginning of this world is unknown. What is known is there were two gods who were brothers that created the sun, stars, and all living things that inhabit this planet. Their names are Anu and Rell. Somewhere around 800BP Rell became jealous because he felt Anu was more admired among the people and became enraged when he felt Anu was trying to take his followers. Rather than give the mercy of death to the followers Rell transformed all who crossed his path into hideous monsters that obey his every command. Anu tried to fight his brother but by the time he realized what was happening it was too late. After an incredibly short war Anu made a last ditch effort but suffered a major defeat by his brother and was forced to retreat. Anu took the remaining of his followers to a secluded land and enclosed it within a shield. Once his people were safe he gave them what is known as the Book of Life. After giving the book to his people he plunged himself deep into the ground and began to sleep. The Book of Life contains instructions for the people to follow and if the books rules are followed Anu will allow the people to remain protected from the evils that lay outside the barrier. (Pieces of the book of Anu are available throughout the game.)

 

 

 

 

About

 

 

The land of Epertease is controlled by the church of Anu. The Grand Cardinal is considered the voice of Anu and directs all of the Cardinals that are located in each town. Each town also has one preacher and several nuns that are directed by the town cardinal. There are four major towns in the land of Epertease; Orderain: The capital of Epertease, Ashtondale: A mining town, Cashis: A wood harvesting town, Sherport: A fishing town. Ashtondale was the first town founded in Epertease and because of this every person within the town owns a home. After the founding of a central capital it was decided that the remaining cities that would be created with communal housing. Houses within the towns of Cashis, Sherport, and Orderain are granted on a very strict basis and require a cardinal’s approval. There are also farms throughout Epertease that supply the majority of food to the four towns. The current system is similar to communism except that it is the church that receives and distributes all goods. Similar to communism it is the church that owns all land and housing and grants and removes ownership.

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Story

 

 

You are Drusus, a seven year veteran of the Cashis town guard. A town guardsman is generally looked at as the low form of work and because it has been nearly twenty years since a lone monster made its way into town you rarely receive the respect you deserve from townspeople. You are a troubled young man and often misunderstood by most of the town, but you receive needed praise from your commanders who recognize you’re unwavering dedication to duty. You train hard every day in preparation that if an attack were to come you would be ready. The world can only pray that you are.

 

 

Characters

 

 

 

Drusus

 

Age: 26

Role: Main protagonist

Weapon: Swords

Rank: Lieutenant

 

Rohen

 

Age: 56

Role: Mentor to Drusus

Weapon: Swords

Rank: Commander of the guard

 

 

 

Screenshots

 

 

 

Title

 

 

 

 

 

Clouds near Cashis

 

 

 

 

Outside Cashis

 

 

 

 

 

Cashis gates

 

 

 

 

 

Commander Tent

 

 

 

 

 

Church01

 

 

 

 

 

Church02

 

 

 

 

 

Church03

 

 

 

 

 

Community housing01

 

 

 

 

 

Community housing02

 

 

 

 

 

Mining town

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Special Features/Credits

 

 

I have the majority of the sources documented but over the years I seem to have misplaced the file. Once I locate the file I will update this section but for now off the top of my head…

GTBS 1.5 by Gubid

Ccoa’s UMS

Inquisitor's World map

Also the mining town design was by someone who was helping me a few years ago.

 

 

 

Issues

 

 

I had originally planned for the first chapter to be longer (currently 3-5hrs) with the addition of a new character, but because of my poor mapping skills when it comes to fishing towns I have chosen to cut that part of the story for now. If there is anyone out there who is good with fishing maps I would appreciate the help.

 

As of now battles still give gold which holds no value in Epertease.

 

There is no music other than RTP in the game.

 

If anyone could help with any of these it would be greatly appreciated.

 

 

 

Trailer

 

 

http://youtu.be/M8RdWC5R7kM

 

 

 

If you notice any errors or if something didn’t make sense to you please don't hesitate let me know. Thank you for taking to time to check out my post.

Edited July 7, 2012 by Noah918

[Arkbennett 16]

I'm not a fan of the storyline. But something draws me to the main character. He sounds like a likeable fellow.

The Mining Town looks great. Some may say it lacks detail, but I think the geography is excellent.

 

When can we expect a demo?

[Jon Bon 43]

I definitely like the story, but not your story telling abilities, but heck that's just editing. The content is excellent, I could picture it as I was reading it. The main character is great, nice creation and tons of depth. I agree with ark on the mining town as well, perfect, simply and not too simple, enough to be accurate.

 

Will it be a single hero adventure, or will he meet others to join his party?

I saw you mentioned a combat system, but I am unfamiliar with the letters, what type of combat will it be?

 

Anyhow, great stuff, I like it and your maps seem realistically accurate, I will definitely pick this up when it comes out.

 

-Cheers

[Noah918 1]

I'm not a fan of the storyline. But something draws me to the main character. He sounds like a likeable fellow.

The Mining Town looks great. Some may say it lacks detail, but I think the geography is excellent.

 

When can we expect a demo?

 

 

What is it exacly you don't like about the storyline? I am open to suggestions. The game is pretty much complete except the opening scene and all the music is from the RTP(which I would like to change) so a demo can be released pretty soon. I was kind of hoping that someone would help me make a fishing town so I can tie another part of the story in rather than leave it out.

 

I definitely like the story, but not your story telling abilities, but heck that's just editing. The content is excellent, I could picture it as I was reading it. The main character is great, nice creation and tons of depth. I agree with ark on the mining town as well, perfect, simply and not too simple, enough to be accurate.

 

Will it be a single hero adventure, or will he meet others to join his party?

I saw you mentioned a combat system, but I am unfamiliar with the letters, what type of combat will it be?

 

Anyhow, great stuff, I like it and your maps seem realistically accurate, I will definitely pick this up when it comes out.

 

-Cheers

 

 

I am very open to suggestions when it comes to editing so please feel free. The main character was originally supposed to meet up with one of the other main characters, but because my fishing towns look horrendous I have decided to cut that part out until a later date (Unless anyone would like to help me with this). There are un-important npc's that will help in battle on ocasion. The Battle system is similar to final fantasy tactics GTBS (Gubids Tactical Battle System).

Edited June 9, 2012 by Noah918

[Arkbennett 16]

The prologue, I'm just not a fan of the whole god jealousy thing, etc, etc. I can't cite a source, but it feels overdone.

That is my opinion. That does not mean that I think it will be bad. Sometimes simple concepts can be made really good. I'm interested in the second half of the prologue (Maybe I should have said that originally) with the world being divided.

 

Why was the book split into pieces though? I just think that if the book was as important as your story implies The Church of Anu would have kept it intact.

[deathmoverz24 2]

I like the gods conflict. This is somehow simple and straight. I am assuring that one of these days we or I will be making something like similar to that 2 gods or 2 nations conflict. Good thing you post your game in time. I just dont like the name of the towns. It seems like I'm just living in Europe or England or maybe its just me. Those maps are fine. You presented the main character well. I like the mentor but you need to intro him as well. Theres something intrigues me more. Does the half of the gameplay will be focus more on supplies? It seems that you just tells us about farm, minings and fishing town and nothing more about those towns.

[Noah918 1]

The prologue, I'm just not a fan of the whole god jealousy thing, etc, etc. I can't cite a source, but it feels overdone.

That is my opinion. That does not mean that I think it will be bad. Sometimes simple concepts can be made really good. I'm interested in the second half of the prologue (Maybe I should have said that originally) with the world being divided.

 

Why was the book split into pieces though? I just think that if the book was as important as your story implies The Church of Anu would have kept it intact.

 

Ah, well don't let the prologue scare you off. I can promise you that there is a much deeper story to be told. The book is not split up... I believe I chose the wrong words when I said that. The book is all throughout the game. I meant that when you click on different ones you will read different scriptures from it. I used it for a side quest in hopes that people would explore the religion more, but the “whole” book is actually there.

 

 

I like the gods conflict. This is somehow simple and straight. I am assuring that one of these days we or I will be making something like similar to that 2 gods or 2 nations conflict. Good thing you post your game in time. I just dont like the name of the towns. It seems like I'm just living in Europe or England or maybe its just me. Those maps are fine. You presented the main character well. I like the mentor but you need to intro him as well. Theres something intrigues me more. Does the half of the gameplay will be focus more on supplies? It seems that you just tells us about farm, minings and fishing town and nothing more about those towns.

 

I chose the town names on the fly, but I have created graphics with the town names so they are permanent lol. Supplies will become an issue at some point in the game (for quests) but other than that supplies don’t have a huge bearing on the game. I think you are right about the towns. The towns are built different and I should have gone into more detail about that. I will update that when I post the trailer.

 

Thanks for the replies I appreciate it!

[Jon Bon 43]

The game is pretty much complete except the opening scene and all the music is from the RTP(which I would like to change) so a demo can be released pretty soon.

Try hitting up Jamendo.com. They have creative common license music there created by indie artists, some real top of the line stuff too. And how it works is you can use their music as long as you release your work under the same Creative Commons license, so as long as your game is free and it doesn't comflict with any of the other resources, that opens up a huge database of excellent unknown music to use. Additionally there are licenses where you can use without having to make your game open source, and just free. Check it out.

 

I am very open to suggestions when it comes to editing so please feel free. The main character was originally supposed to meet up with one of the other main characters, but because my fishing towns look horrendous I have decided to cut that part out until a later date (Unless anyone would like to help me with this). There are un-important npc's that will help in battle on ocasion. The Battle system is similar to final fantasy tactics GTBS (Gubids Tactical Battle System).

 

I reread this, and I suppose your story telling doesn't need work, if these are merely blurbs, which after reading them again, I believe they are. Once you write this for real, I think it would read allot better like a book.

 

Tactics battles rock, very cool. One piece of advice though, when I play tactics games I find since the battles can be long I tend to forget about the story when im between it. So it might be something to keep in the back of your mind, to have the characters in your story repeat past events verbally during action sequences as an in story refresher so that people can stay following with everything. But if your battles are sort it wouldn't matter much, but in the final fantasy tactics world I found it so hard to remember their crazy convoluted plot lines while I was trying to play 3 hour long strategy battles and pause and save half way through some times.

Keep it up!

[Noah918 1]

-------------Update-------------

 

Small update to prologue

 

Update to “About” giving more information about the towns.

 

Fixed issue with shadows in maps

 

Added intro trailer – Let me know what you think!

 

Thanks

[Jon Bon 43]

I like it.

I have critiques, just opinions on the writing though, can take em or leave em.

 

 

I think you should change the second paragraph.

The two gods Anu and Rell were created of the same element, humans might call them brothers.

It doesn't have to say 'created of the same element' it could say;

forged of like matter

spawned from the same diety

appeared together

 

I think you should change the third paragraph to the second quoted one, sounds morepowerful.

"...protective barrier that Rell could not penetrate."

"...protective barrier that no known god could penetrate."

 

Before plunging himself into the ground and into a deep slumber after the barriers went up, Anu gave his people a special book. The history of the world combined with a guide for his people were contained in this book called the Book of Life. Anu's people patiently wait for his....return.

 

 

 

The only thing I noticed that was wrong was it said in the land twice in the text displayed over the world map immediately after the black screen text.

 

It was was pretty good man, it made me want to check your game out. I liked the description of your story, makes me have good questions, and wanting more. That sells your story much better.

Keep rolling with this in my opinion you'll do great as long as you keep making the game.

 

EDIT: Looking forward to the gameplay video, but no rush, take your time, the longer the better.

Edited July 7, 2012 by Jon Bon

[Noah918 1]

I like it.

I have critiques, just opinions on the writing though, can take em or leave em.

 

 

I think you should change the second paragraph.

The two gods Anu and Rell were created of the same element, humans might call them brothers.

It doesn't have to say 'created of the same element' it could say;

forged of like matter

spawned from the same diety

appeared together

 

I think you should change the third paragraph to the second quoted one, sounds morepowerful.

"...protective barrier that Rell could not penetrate."

"...protective barrier that no known god could penetrate."

 

Before plunging himself into the ground and into a deep slumber after the barriers went up, Anu gave his people a special book. The history of the world combined with a guide for his people were contained in this book called the Book of Life. Anu's people patiently wait for his....return.

 

 

 

The only thing I noticed that was wrong was it said in the land twice in the text displayed over the world map immediately after the black screen text.

 

It was was pretty good man, it made me want to check your game out. I liked the description of your story, makes me have good questions, and wanting more. That sells your story much better.

Keep rolling with this in my opinion you'll do great as long as you keep making the game.

 

EDIT: Looking forward to the gameplay video, but no rush, take your time, the longer the better.

 

Damn.. can't believe I missed the land repeated... ill check out those critiques probably update the video tonight. It's kind of funny because before I posted it I was thinking about getting your opinion.

 

-Edit-

 

Actually I had another trailer planned for next week. I will probably just wait until then and update the whole thing.

Edited July 7, 2012 by Noah918

[Jon Bon 43]

Damn.. can't believe I missed the land repeated... ill check out those critiques probably update the video tonight. It's kind of funny because before I posted it I was thinking about getting your opinion.

Hey, you can't catch everything. I run pretty much anything creative past at least one person before I post it live. I'm honored you thought of me, depending on how long production takes you to show others, I can always look stuff over before you post it if you like. If things are quick to pump out, sometimes it's better to post here first, because I am by far perfect, and others can give advice too. But in any case, feel free to reach out to me for creative design needs at any point (that goes for anyone reading this). I get it more often then one may think.